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  1. Things We Saw Today: 3-D Armor Dresses and Underwear for Your Everyday Battles

    You never know when you'll need to defend Conté.

    Etsy shop Mitmunk crafts eye-popping polyester-spandex dresses and underwear that use shading to create a 3-D armor effect. Now all I need is my lance!

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  2. Things We Saw Today: Tom Felton Makes A Kim Kardashian Hair Change All About Draco

    A Kim Kardashian hairstyle change would not usually be considered a part of the TMS wheelhouse. But then Tom Felton went and jumped on the it-looks-like-Draco-Malfoy bandwagon and, well. We just can't pass up the opportunity to point out that, yes, Kim Kardashian is definitely a Slytherin, and I do not mean that as a bad thing. Kanye, however, is still up for debate.

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  3. You Can Make $13,000 a Year by Selling Your Poop!

    Also known as "blogging."

    OpenBiome, the poop transplant bank that we've written about several times with the hope of one day being best friends, will pay you to make donations on the regular.

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  4. Giant Sperm Whale Unleashes Secret Defense Technique “Poonado” on Photographers

    If it's under water, is it a waterspoop? Poo vortex?

    How did the sperm whale get to be the world's largest toothed predator with a name that probably got it mercilessly bullied and picked on by the Earth's other animals, you ask? It could be that no one wants to eat anything while surrounded by a cloud of whale waste.

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  5. Bill Gates Will Make Us All Drink Poop Water for Science, Starting With Jimmy Fallon

    Water doesn't just grow on trees, you know.

    Clean water is a big problem in underdeveloped areas of the world, and Bill Gates has a solution: poop water.

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  6. Things We Saw Today: Santaur

    Get seven more and you could pull a sleigh full of anthropomorphic reindeer.

    From the people who brought you that rubber horse mask the internet loves comes this real, purchasable Christmas ornament.

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  7. Little Girl’s “Let Me Poop” Frozen Cover Is the Most Inspiring Thing I’ve Seen All Week

    Stand down, Weird Al. Sorry, Idina.

    Holy crap. Emily Mandelbaum is clearly some kind of satirical songwriting genius.

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  8. Dulcolax Drops an Ad With Poop People in Butt Jail

    It's good to see Gloppy is still getting work after the Candyland redesign.

    Laxative company Dulcolax has partnered with ad agency McCann Healthcare Worldwide and production company The Visionary Group to push this turd of an ad out into the world. It depicts humanoid poops trapped in a prison waiting, presumably, for Dulcolax to come break them out? It bet this really gets sales moving again.

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  9. Slide Into a Giant Toilet in Tokyo’s New Toilet Science Exhibit

    You too, can become feces!

    If you find yourself not too busy between now and October 5, you might want to stop by the toilet exhibit at Tokyo's science museum. I say you might want to, because sliding into a giant toilet wearing a hat that looks like poop probably isn't for everyone, no matter how many books remind us that everyone poops. Definitely don't skip the singing toilet choir, though.

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  10. FDA Is Causing Poop Transplants to Get All Backed Up

    They really have to get their shit together.

    We were excited to find out that the U.S. got its very own poop transplant bank—not just because poop jokes are a lot of fun, but poop transplants are an amazingly effective treatment for some nasty digestive bacteria issues. So why does the FDA have a someone else's poop a stick up their butt about it? Because everybody poops, which makes it hard to regulate.

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  11. Fossilized Neanderthal Poop Gives Clues to Early Diets

    You will remember to wash your hands before you eat anything?

    If you want to know what an animal was eating, check its droppings. Of course if you want to know what an animal ate tens of thousands of years ago it's a little harder. Poop doesn't really fossilize well, but a recent dig in Spain has uncovered Neanderthal coprolites (poop fossils!) which show their diet was different than we thought.

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  12. Things We Saw Today: Resisting This Borg Eye Patch Is Futile

    State your demands.

    $14. From Fashionably Geek. You know what to do.

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  13. When You’re Sliding Into First… Avoid Diarrhea With a New App From the CDC… irst?

    ...or we guess you could probably use it to get diarrhea.

    Millions of people contract diarrhea when traveling each year. At the very least, it can ruin your trip, but it can also pose a real health risk to some people. To help travelers avoid foods and drinks that could potentially cause diarrhea, the CDC has a new app that can identify potentially risky choices.

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  14. Science Has Invented A Vibrating Pill To Literally Shake The Poop Out of You

    Sometimes being "regular" is the weirdest thing of all.

    What does the word "vibrant" make you think of? If your answer is "a swallow-able motor that shakes your intestines until they release their stranglehold on your fecal matter," then wow! Good job, weirdo! That's exactly what the motorized Vibrant pill is designed to doo do.

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  15. New Method Could Turn Astronaut Pee Into Drinking Water and Fuel

    Liquid gold!

    Pee and other human waste (poop) are a problem in space. Processing astronaut urine for useable drinking water is nothing new on board the International Space Station, but a new process can recycle that urine into both water and energy—and it's not just limited to space. We could all soon be generating pee-fuel.

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  16. Learn How to Poop Like a Samurai, What You Do With the Information Is up to You

    Because what if you get attacked mid-poo?

    Over on The Art of Manliness last night, we learned how to poop like samurai from "Manly Guest Contributor" Will Black. Now, you too can master the art of never being caught with your pants down. Well, your pants are still down, but you'll know what to do about it.

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  17. Baby Poop Might Help Make Sausage Healthier, Tastier, and Way Grosser

    Who found this out and why?

    Baby poop is being used by scientists to improve sausage. Thankfully, it's not an ingredient, but they did study a bunch of dirty diapers to sample and culture bacteria, and that bacteria could make sausages not only tastier, but healthier. You know, if you can get over the idea of poop-sausage and actually eat it.

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  18. Those Sochi Toilet Instruction Signs Aren’t as Unnecessary as the Internet Thinks They Are

    Everybody poops, but some people poop differently.

    Canadian snowboarder Sebastien Toutant photographed a sign on display in the bathrooms at the Sochi olympics and posted it on Twitter. We've seen it shared around the Internet a bit, including on the site Business Insider which called the instructions "Unnecessary," but they aren't. Here's why.

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  19. “Supercritical Water” That Can Start Fires Is Being Tested on the International Space Station

    You'll never guess what they want to burn with it. Unless you guess, "poop." Then you're spot on.

    Water puts out fire, right? Well if you put it under enough heat and pressure water goes all Super Saiyan and becomes "supercritical water." Water's ultimate form is capable of burning material it comes in contact with, and could prove useful for closed-system poop management in places like the ISS where it's being tested.

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  20. Poo-Sniffing-Dog Helps Biologists Monitor Animal Populations

    We can't imagine how psyched he was to land this gig.

    Tucker is a poo-sniffing-canine-biology-detective, which sounds like the title of a new Nickelodeon TV Series -- although they'd probably drop "poo sniffing" from the title (I mean, he's a dog. We get it). In real life, though, Tucker really does sniff out the poo of other animals for science instead of standard dog reasons.

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