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Jesus

  1. That Chick Tract About Dungeons & Dragons Is Getting Made Into a Movie

    Cast magic missile at the darkness all you like, but only Jesus can save you now.

    Everyone knows that Dungeons & Dragons is a secret tool of the devil to lure young, impressionable minds away from their rightful savior and forever trap their souls in unholy perdition, right? Well, in case you didn't know, the upcoming Zombie Orpheus Entertainment-produced film Dark Dungeons is going to set you straight this summer.

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  2. “God” Trolls Holy Land Experience Religious Theme Park Thanks to @TheTweetOfGod

    I know God tweets, because you can't prove He doesn't.

    Parody Twitter account (or maybe not—you can't prove God doesn't use Twitter) @TheTweetOfGod went to The Holy Land Experience and had a lot of fun tweeting about all of the Jesus-themed stuff He saw there. It turns out God has a really great sense of humor, so we've got the highlights of his little trip for you.

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  3. 80-Year-Old Woman Who Ruined That Jesus Fresco Just Sold a Painting on eBay

    Back in August the Internet exploded with pictures of an attempt at restoring a Spanish fresco that depicted Jesus called Ecce Homo or Behold the Man. The attempted restoration was done by an 80-year-old woman named Celia Gimenez. She is now widely considered to be the worst, but it hasn't stopped her from painting, and now Celia Gimenez just sold a painting on eBay for $1,421. What are the chances she's really Banksy?

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  4. Game Of Thrones’ Last Supper Would Take Forever

    Winter Is Coming

    "I have this unhealthy obsession of Game of Thrones," writes DeviantArtist sheilalala. Don't we all? Seriously though. Seasons in George R.R. Martin's universe last for years and he's got a never-ending list of food to pull from. This dinner would last for aaaaages. (via Vulture) Previously in Game of Thrones

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  5. Papyrus Fragment Indicates There May Have Been a Mrs. Christ

    Not a Misprint

    According to a mysterious piece of papyrus discovered by Harvard Divinity School professor Karen L. King, eternal presumed bachelor Jesus may actually have been married. [INSERT OBLIGATORY DAN BROWN/THE DA VINCI CODE REFERENCE HERE] The business card-sized fragment has on it eight incomplete lines of writing plus a few words and letters amidst other too-damaged-to-read text, but the phrase that's causing all the buzz is this one: "Jesus said to them, my wife."

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  6. Fake Kristen Stewart Explains The Birth Of Jesus And Christmas

    Imagine What You'll Know Tomorrow

    Previously, the comedy group Barely Political brought us a helpful lesson on how to speak like Twilight star Kristen Stewart. Well, they're back with a very special holiday message. Listen intently as Stewart (Laura McDonald) tells us all about the virgin birth of Jesus, three very different Wise Men and how Pocahontas and beards played a huge part in Christmas. Also, Bella is like, totally like the Virgin Mary. Merry Christmas.

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  7. Does Jesus Love Jawas? Would They Then Be Jawas for Jesus?

    I Want to Believe

    Don't pretend you've never thought about it. Jesus is supposed to care about all creatures big and small so why wouldn't he take care of the Klingons, E.T.'s and Jawa's out there in the galaxy? Well, recently, theologians and scientists actually put forth the debate, "Did Jesus die for Klingons too?" at the 100 Year Starship Symposium in Orlando, Florida.

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  8. Jesus Christ + Pokémon Theme Song

    YouTube user eikemz uploaded this--I don't know, parody?--of the Pokémon theme song, but with Jesus-centric lyrics. The YouTube video's description simply states, "This is our MTV project for our TREDTRI class in DLSU." If I may recite a choice excerpt of lyrics:

    I wanna be like Jesus Christ,

    Like no one ever does.

    To live by Him is my real test.

    To please Him is my cause.

    After I finish not being able to tell if the lyrics are a parody or serious, I begin to wonder if the reused clip segments and unfortunate timing and rhythm are in the vein of public access parody overlords Tim and Eric, or just how these guys roll.

    (via BuzzFeed)

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  9. Jesus Graces Cover of Playboy Portugal [NSFW] (Update)

    The July issue of Playboy's Portuguese edition features an unexpected figure on the cover: None other than Jesus Christ, who frolics with three different nude women within the pages of the magazine.

    The shock value of the cover and concept is undeniable: Believe it or not, though, it's in the service of an ostensibly higher -- even literary -- purpose. Last month, Nobel literature laureate José Saramago died: A national hero in Portugal, he was the only Portuguese-language writer to win the Nobel literature prize.

    Saramago was an atheist, and one of his most famous novels was titled The Gospel According to Jesus Christ (O Evangelho Segundo Jesus Cristo), depicting a flawed and human Jesus: You can see the book's title engraved into the headboard of the bed on the Playboy cover. Because that's where you're looking, right? It's in Saramago's honor that this religiously and literarily laden (and unsurprisingly, rather controversial) Jesus-with-naked-ladies photoshoot took place.

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