The Mary Sue


From Pontoon Boats to Town Halls, Americans Are Sitting In and Calling Up to Stop Trumpcare

Groups across the United States organized sit-ins and protests as Senate Republicans returned to their home states for the recess.

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Police Officer Who Killed Tamir Rice Has Been Fired … But Not for That Crime

Good news! The cop who shot and killed 12-year-old Tamir Rice back in 2015 has finally been fired! Yay! The bad news? He was fired over "administrative charges" against him, and that subsequent investigation. Because apparently, administrative issues gets you totally fired, but killing a 12-year-old doesn't.

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Drugs are Bad, Kids: Ohio Man Found Naked With Part of Penis Removed, Blames Mushrooms

If this had come up D.A.R.E. classes when we were kids, drugs would no longer even exist.

Having a tripmaster around -- more specifically, someone whose job it is to keep you from jumping out of windows when you do hallucinogens -- has sort of gone out of fashion since the heyday of '70s drug culture. If you ever decide to take mushrooms in the near future, though, you should probably have a friend there to keep an eye on you. Otherwise, you might end up like this guy in Columbus, Ohio who was found naked in a local Middle school after having ripped off part of his penis. Is it possible to feel empathetic phantom dick pains without ever having had one? I might be having those right now.

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Ohio Courts Ban Internet Cafes Because the Internet is One Big Casino

Which is wrong, because in actuality, the Internet is a giant strip club. Everyone knows that.

Nobody's going to deny that Internet cafes are pretty awful. You're usually stuck paying 50¢ a minute to wait for Internet Explorer to load on Windows 98 just to view something that most people can access on their phones in about 40 seconds, which is the polar opposite of fun. But the Senate of Ohio seems to hate them more than anyone thought possible, because last week a bill that completely bans Internet cafes in the state passed by an overwhelming majority.

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Enslaved Ants Regularly Rise In Rebellion, Kill Their Slavers’ Children

Ants do all sorts of things we think of as human activities. Some of them are kind of endearing, like keeping farms of aphids. Others remind us of our ugly side, and none more so than the work of Protomognathus americanus, the American slavemaker ant, which has evolved to stop foraging for food, and instead steal larvae from the colonies of other ant species, and then raise them as slaves. A recent study demonstrated that, unlike some newscasters we knowenslaved ants don't take life in captivity lying down, instead working to destroy the slavemaker colony and killing up to three out of four of their captors' children.

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Here Are Two Skydiving Octogenarian Great-Grandmothers to Make You Feel Like a Serious Wimp

Fear is the Mind Killer

Hey, so, when was the last time you thought about your fear of heights (if you have one)? Were you like, "Oh dear, I can't even stand by that railing at the Nitehawk Cinema without my 30something-year-old heart skipping a beat!" Maybe that was just me. Well, here is a story that will make all of us feel inadequate as human beings: Two great-grandmothers in their 80s, on behalf of the Lima, Ohio chapter of the Blue Star Mothers, jumped out of a plane for charity. Yup. I'll bet you/I didn't even put a penny in that ratty tupperware at Starbucks, did you/I?

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Help Get A Bronze Statue For The First Woman To Fly Solo Around The Globe

To infinity and beyond!

Geraldine “Jerrie” Mock hails from Newark, Ohio and made a historic solo flight around the world that landed in Columbus in 1964. The trip took 29 days, with 21 stopovers, and made Mock one memorable lady. Now, residents in her hometown, as well as other admirers, would like to honor her with a full-size bronze statue. They just need a little help raising the funds. And if you can believe it, Mock is surprised anyone would want a statue of a woman. 

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Watch This Bridge Get Completely Blown Away in a Massive Demolition [Video]

Completed in 1929, the Fort Steuben Bridge spanned the Ohio River for some 83 years before it finally met its match in the form of 153 pounds of explosives. The decision to do away with the bridge apparently came from mounting concerns over its structural integrity, and decreased traffic in the wake of increased weight restrictions for vehicles crossing the bridge. It'd also become functionally obsolete, on account of the completion of the nearby Veterans Memorial Bridge in 1990. With all that against it, there wasn't much else to do with the crossing except blow it to hell. See another view of the demolition, after the break.

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Ohio Girl Scouts: No Cookies Until We Get to Pee in the Woods

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Some Girl Scout groups of northeastern Ohio will be refusing to sell their eponymous cookies this year. It is apparently a last resort protest tactic, that follows a campaign of petitions, correcting misinformation, appealing to the Girl Scout organization at the national level, and even camp-ins; everything to "[work] through the democratic process." What's the cause that has rallied kids and mothers together alike? They'd like to keep roughing it when they go to Girl Scout camping sites... and that includes peeing in the woods. Okay, we admit that we posted this because we couldn't resist the title opportunities.

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Sony Sends Man With Broken Laptop More Broken Computers Instead of Supplies

An unlucky man from Johnstown, Ohio came to find that his computer had broken. In order to get it fixed, he decided he would ship it off to Sony for repairs. As per their instructions, once he contacted him, he patiently waited for them to send him a return label that he could use to mail his broken computer. They mailed him some boxes alright, the problem was that they were filled with other people's broken computers.

After receiving a call from a customer who believed he was a Sony technician, the man called Sony to resolve the issue. He suspected that perhaps his address had merely been swapped with someone else's; in actuality, it was a little worse. Apparently Sony had begun printing his address on the return labels they were sending to other customers with broken computers. Sony assured him they would remedy the situation but that there were at least 5 more computers that were already in transit. Hope he's got some storage space.

Local news coverage of the story after the jump.

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Ohio Group Campaigns for Superman License Plates

And So It Begins

As someone who attends school at a geeky liberal arts college just 30 minutes south of Cleveland, I approve of this news wholeheartedly: Cleveland-based group Siegel & Shuster is leading a campaign to have the iconic Superman insignia emblazoned on specialty Ohio license plates.

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Ohio Makes Out the Proudest in United States of Shame Map

Officially Official

Yes, for while other states might have the worst taxes, the most identity theft, the highest unemployment or the longest daily commute, the state that I went to college in is the nerdiest. And that ain't no shame. Wired attempted to uncover what exactly might have earned Ohio this particular honor, and their best guess is that Ohio has the highest library visits per capita of any state in the U.S. (almost seven). (via Pleated Jeans via GeekMom.)

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D’oh! 275-Foot Tower in Springfield, OH Falls the Wrong Way, Smashes Power Plant

On Wednesday, thousands of Springfield, Ohio residents were left without power when a 275-foot smokestack being demolished fell the wrong way, knocking down two 12,500 volt power lines. According to the demolition company that handled the work at the former Ohio Edison Mad River Power Plant (not a nuclear power plant --Ed.), the explosives detonated correctly, "but an undetected crack on the south side of the tower pulled it in a different direction. 'Nobody's happy with things that go wrong in life, and sometimes it's out of our hands and beyond anybody's prediction. ... We're all extremely thankful no one was injured,' Kelly told The Columbus Dispatch." (via CBSB&P, MSNBC)

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