They gave us Bob’s Burgers erotica. They gave us Doctor Whore, Game of Bones, and the wonderfully titled Gnardians of the Galaxy: 50 Shades of Groot. Now the porn parody purveyors at WoodRocket have a new film for us, and we’re pretty surprised it hadn’t been done yet. Then again, maybe we’re glad about that, considering the source material.
Ignoring the fact that this is a book about government sanctioned child murder whose primary love triangle protagonists are all technically underage teens —heck, Lionsgate does it so why can’t we?—the Humper Games seems like your pretty standard “let’s put porn in that thing you like” story. Here’s the official synopsis, courtesy of WoodRocket:
Welcome to The Humper Games, the sexiest competition of any dystopian future! As an 18 Year old Tribute, Kantmiss Everyween, must take her place in the 69th annual Humper Games. With the help of her friend, Puta, she must do everything in her power to survive a life-or-death contest filled with fighting, sex, talk show appearances, cat-calling, waiting for the next episode of Serial, getting her dystopian future iCloud account hacked, and hanging out with Lenny Kravitz.
Personally I’m not a fan of the name they’ve chosen for their Katniss stand-in (though excellent job on Puta, that’s a brilliant one right there), and the mention of certain current events topics—the iCloud hacking, Serial, etc.—concern me. WoodRocket, you have a certain standard to uphold. We don’t want you cribbing dumb joke ideas from The Starving Games, here. Especially not when “Kat-tits” was right there for you.
The 30-minute parody is already available on the WoodRocket website if you are so included, but if the site ever decides to follow through and make a bunch of sequels (which, according to the press release, would be called Catching Firecrotch and Cockingspray Part 1 & Part 2), we have some suggestions of what we would like to see for next time:
- A shot-for-shot remake of the foodplay scene from 9 1/2 Weeks, but with bread.
- A feverish hatesex scene between Hamish Abernathy and Effie Trinket, of course.
- The words “That is mahogany!” must be uttered at some point, preferably in reference to a buttplug.
- Someone has to finger someone else with the District 12 salute.
- A scene where Gale Hawthorne (Cockthorne) gets whipped by Peacekeepers (Peniskeepers) in front of of the entire district, except it’s okay because he’s actually super into it.
- A Cornucopia scene where everybody races each other for the best sex toys.
- As is the custom in so much amateur porn, Buttercup the cat must be indifferently watching during a sex scene. (warning, that link’s NSFW)
- Seneca Crane’s pubes have to be magnificently sculpted or else what’s the point?
- At the end, the words “In loving memory of Philip Seymour Hoffman” should fill the screen. No sex gimmick there. We all just miss him a lot.
You’re welcome, WoodRocket.
(via Press Release)
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