Internet Has a Field Day With Entitled Pick-Up Blog’s Instructions on How to Talk to a Woman Wearing Headphones
Our suggestion: "1.) Don't."
A really skeezy blog post from a writer on The Modern Man on "how to talk to women wearing headphones" has been making the rounds on the internet as of late, and the entire thing reads like something of a serial killer how-to handbook.
Read MoreCompany Decides to Market a Translator Gadget By Having Skeezy Dude Try to Kiss Girls
All aboard the nope train to fuck that-ville.
There's a point in this video where the guy actually reaches out to try to touch one of the random girls despite her body language all but shouting that she's uncomfortable.
Read MoreFeminist_Tinder Instagram Shows How Feminists Are Seen on Tinder
What happens when you put "I'm a feminist" in your Tinder profile? Laura Nowak found out, and she has been posting the absolutely ridiculous messages she's gotten since she started the @feminist_tinder profile.
Read MorePretty Little Liars‘ Season Finale Reinforces an Awful Transgender Trope
Spoilers.
If you follow Pretty Little Liars, then you should probably be warned now: spoilers, y'all.
Read MoreJust In Time To Ruin Easter: Jelly Bean Milk and Springtime Eggnog
Where did they find these cows? In a dream?
Easter is a confusing holiday, guys. As if religion and a bunny who hides chicken eggs aren't complicated enough, apparently there's also a veritable cornucopia of truly weird seasonal dairy drinks to guzzle in celebration. Most alarming? Jellybean Milk and Easter Nog.
Read MorePre-Raphaelite Painters Used Ground up Humans and Cats to Make “Mummy Brown”
I bet they wish they'd kept this...under wraps.
If you're a fan of paintings from the 1800s through the 1960s, you've probably admired a highly-prized shade of paint called "Mummy Brown." Why the macabre name, you ask? Oh, no reason, just the ancient cat and human corpses used in its composition. Guys, now I'm worried...what's in my Bitches Brew nail polish? What?
Read MoreMusic Video About Sexing Mythical Creatures Is Strangely Beautiful
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them? Getting their bone on, apparently.
Sharing intimate moments with a mythical beast (note: not an acceptable nickname for any part of the anatomy) can cause bigger problems than a pregnancy or STD. This tragic animated music video from miracleofsound is like the Ballad of Jack and Rose, but if Rose spent way more time waiting for goats under bridges, and Jack became someone's dinner.
Read MoreInnovative Dad Pulls Son’s Baby Tooth Using Flying Drone [Video]
Just wait until your wisdom teeth come in, boy.
Apparently the "slamming door" method was just too boring for Malcolm Swan and his brave son, Adam. Instead, the pair removed Adam's baby tooth the good old fashioned way—by tying it to a DJI Phantom Quadcopter and then letting the drone rip. Sadly, Adam's tooth was never recovered, but I think the Tooth Fairy will still pay up.
Read MoreHow To Poo On A Date Wins Award For Weirdest Book Title
I guess He's Just Not That Into Poo was taken.
Matt and Enzo's comprehensive guide to the romance of defecation may be all about number two, but as far as awards go the pair is number one: How To Poo On A Date was recently awarded the 36th Annual Diagram Prize, proving definitively that they're the shit.
Read MoreChicken Embryo Found in Soup, Campbell’s Sends Fed Ex to Pick It Up
Why didn't I get one?
Here, allow me to validate every food-based fear you've ever been told was illogical: a Colorado woman recently discovered an amorphous beaky creature in a can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup.
Read MoreBroApp Will Outsource Actually Caring About Your Girlfriend, Because Who Wants to Do That?
Fake love letters were not exactly the part of Her we were hoping to get in real life.
The jury is still out on whether BroApp is a serious thing intended for bros to actually use or a parody, but it certainly is a thing you can download on your phone right now and use if you're a massive sociopath. Yes, you really can get an app that will automatically send messages to someone you'd like to appear to care about.
Read MoreGross, Internet. There’s Now an App for Betting on Friends’ Relationships Through Facebook
This is why we can't have nice things.
You know what we needed in a world where people can already find out way too much about us? An app that lets us bet on whether or not our Facebook friends' relationships will last. Thanks, Forever|NOT. Now, cynics have an easy platform to pass judgment on other people, which I guess isn't surprising, since that basically describes the Internet.
Read MoreJust in Time to Ruin Valentine’s Day, Here’s a Horrifying GIF of What a Kiss Looks Like From Inside Your Gross Mouth
Humans are disgusting.
Ugh. Gross. I think deep down we all know kissing is at best a little gross, but we just kind of accept it because, well, it's fun. But the view from inside your mouth while you do it is some next-level stuff.
Read MoreFirefighter Pours Out Two Bootfuls of Sweat After F-16 Crash [Video]
Fire is hot, but so is the equipment brave firefighters have to wear to fight it. It's probably not a surprise to anyone that firefighters sweat under all that gear, but the volume of it is amazing. This video shows a firefighter dumping a lot of sweat from the boots of his "Level-B suit" after putting out a fire from an F-16 crash in 110 degree heat. You shouldn't be able to pour your sweat out of your shoe. Seriously. Go thank a firefighter, and will somebody please buy this guy a beer?
Read MoreYeah, Like You’d Be Able to Resist Doing This If You Worked at Wendy’s
Sometimes, a Frosty sounds so good, you just can't wait for a cup.
Literally every person who has ever worked at a place with a soft serve dispenser or milkshake machine -- and that's a lot of us -- has considered doing this at one point or another. Anyone who tells you different is a lying liar.
Read MoreStudy Finds Only 5% of People Wash Their Hands Properly in Public Restrooms
Seriously, people -- how do we even have to have this conversation? I am disappoint.
Here's a story I need your help on, folks, because I can't tell if it's depressing and gross or gross and depressing. According to a recent study by Michigan State University, only 5% of people wash their hands properly after using the bathroom. That's right, folks -- 1 in 20 of you are doing that right, and the other 19 are, statistically speaking, disgusting.
Read MoreJustin Bieber Visits Anne Frank House, Leaves Gross Message in Guestbook
Child musician and professional Twitter trending topic, Justin Bieber has upset the world after a recent visit to the Anne Frank House. There were no reports that Bieber or his entourage behaved inappropriately during their hour long visit to the museum, but when the Anne Frank House Facebook page publicly posted what Bieber wrote in the guestbook the Internet went nuts. So what caused all the outrage?
Kinky Sex Leaves Man Hospitalized With 2-Foot-Long Eel Up His Anus
On the off chance you needed another reason not to use live eels in sex play, consider the story of a man in China's Guangdong province who was hospitalized after an eel -- apparently being used in sex play to imitate a porn the man had been watching -- slithered up his anus and proceeded to wreak havoc on his innards as it tried to chew its way out of his body to freedom. Which, if you're the eel, is a perfectly reasonable reaction here.
Oh Me, Oh My, Rare Tumor Causes Hair to Grow on Man’s Eye
Human hair has that unique quality of being both a blessing and a curse. While it gifts us with luscious locks that can make others swoon, hair also has the inconvenient habit of sprouting out of places we'd rather not have it grow -- typically resulting in the reluctant use of tweezers that leaves us whimpering like a child. Still, perhaps we should be fortunate that rogue strands of hair aren't growing on more sensitive parts of our face, like, say, our very eyes. A 19-year-old man from Iran learned in the most startling way possible that, thanks to a rare tumor known as a limbal dermoid on the surface of his eyeball, hair can grow wherever it damn well pleases.
Happy Global Handwashing Day! Everything You Own Is Covered In Fecal Bacteria
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