Chicken Embryo Found in Soup, Campbell’s Sends Fed Ex to Pick It Up
Why didn't I get one?
Here, allow me to validate every food-based fear you’ve ever been told was illogical: a Colorado woman recently discovered an amorphous beaky creature in a can of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup.
I’m sorry, Campbell’s. Few things are worse publicity than a flaxen-haired adorable child whispering about dead animals in her fridge. But what exactly was it that made Nicole Montgomery so “sick to [her] stomach”? Montgomery thinks she discovered a chicken embryo.
Deploying a bizarre unit of measurement, CBS says it’s, “An item the size of pasta that had feet and a beak.” FOX News hasn’t commented yet, but they’ll likely describe it as soup-based evidence that life begins at conception. Our hypothesis? Tiny alien creature that infects human brains via broth.
Regardless of the soup-flotsam’s origin, Montgomery decided to not feed the mysterious surprise to her sick daughter (although it was extra protein, hellooo) and instead called Campbell’s customer hotline, presumably by tying a piece of string to the empty soup can and then holding it up to her ear.
Campbell’s, deeply concerned by the allegations of actual chicken in their chicken noodle soup, has sent a FedEx Box to Montgomery’s house to retrieve the mysterious creature—definitely a flawless transportation plan.
Montgomery describes the alleged embryo she is currently storing in tupperware as, “Like a train wreck. You can’t stop looking at it,” and has sworn off soup, choosing instead to enjoy dead chicken in solid form.