It’s the stuff of nightmares: You sit down for breakfast on a regular Monday morning, pour yourself a big bowl of sugary cereal, only to find shrimp tails scattered through your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. That’s what happened to writer/producer/comedian/lots of other things Jensen Karp yesterday, and he’s been inviting/forcing us all to live his trauma vicariously with him via Twitter.
He first posted about the crustacean interlopers on Monday.
Ummmm @CTCSquares – why are there shrimp tails in my cereal? (This is not a bit) pic.twitter.com/tTjiAdrnVp
— Jensen Karp (@JensenKarp) March 22, 2021
That’s super gross (and potentially dangerous if he had had a shellfish allergy, plus this cereal is supposed to be a Kosher food) but it probably wouldn’t have gone mega-viral if the company hadn’t responded by trying to gaslight Karp into thinking those obvious shrimp tails were just clumps of sugar.
Ok, we’ll after further investigation with my eyes, these are cinnamon coated SHRIMP TAILS, you weirdos. I wasn’t all that mad until you now tried to gaslight me? https://t.co/7DmADmoqUt pic.twitter.com/rSLE60pvoy
— Jensen Karp (@JensenKarp) March 22, 2021
In addition to the shrimp tails, there were also these strange black bits that seemed to be baked into the cereal.
For real – someone tell me they aren’t like maggots or bugs. Is it shrimp adjacent? (also just found this weird cinnamon covered pea thing?)
I wish this was a joke. pic.twitter.com/7pCs0TJCpv— Jensen Karp (@JensenKarp) March 22, 2021
If you haven’t already checked out of this article, just know that it’s only about to get even grosser. The general consensus seems to be that those black things are rodent droppings and that everything else in the cereal bag was hoarded by the animal.
Karp’s wife—who, by the way, is Danielle Fishel, aka Topanga from Boy Meets World—checked the other bag in the family-pack box and found more items. Even worse, the bag had apparently been taped shut, meaning someone saw this and thought tape was an acceptable solution.
UPDATE: my wife has a stronger stomach than me and checked the OTHER bag in the family pack. This one seems taped up (?) and also appears to include…(I don’t even want to say it)…dental floss. pic.twitter.com/yKPkpx7PWq
— Jensen Karp (@JensenKarp) March 23, 2021
By the way, if you saw this and thought, well, at least he caught it before eating any!—that is not the case.
Jennifer. I ate a bowl. https://t.co/904KNvl8jo
— Jensen Karp (@JensenKarp) March 22, 2021
This saga is ongoing but right now, Karp has taken the items to a lab to have them analyzed. The cereal company offered to do DNA testing on the shrimp, but Karp also wanted to have his own tests done, based on how they first reacted to his complaint with gaslighting and claims of sugar clumps.
Should I take MY shrimp tail to a lab? I’m all-in. pic.twitter.com/QCWuqCKgH6
— Jensen Karp (@JensenKarp) March 22, 2021
We’re going to a lab pic.twitter.com/utlWpU1k4I
— Jensen Karp (@JensenKarp) March 23, 2021
Luckily Karp says he’s feeling ok after eating a bowl of shrimp-and-mysterious-black-things-infested cereal but is clearly (and rightly!) still pissed at the response from the company (which insists this didn’t happen at their facility, baked-in possible rat poop be damned, I guess).
My point is – their initial reaction to shellfish being in the bag was to tell me it was sugar. Not to investigate the issue or look into it. It’s a deadly allergy to many (and non-Kosher) and that didn’t seem to matter beyond offering me a new box.
— Jensen Karp (@JensenKarp) March 23, 2021
Thoughts and prayers to Karp, we’ll definitely be following this ordeal to its end.
Update 3/24: The Cinnamon Toast Shrimp guy has been milkshake ducked after a number of his ex-partners have accused him of various forms of emotional abuse on Twitter.
Bean Dad Twitter walked so Cinnamon Toast Crunch shrimp Twitter could run.
— Kalhan (@KalhanR) March 23, 2021
“To save their company, Cinnamon Toast Crunch needs to make cereal classy again, and what’s classier than shrimp?” pic.twitter.com/pXs2RgZh5c
— Elyza Halpern (@elyzawithawhy) March 23, 2021
We also saw some other things today:
- Meghan McCain has apologized for her past anti-Asian rhetoric after being called out by John Oliver. (via LA Times)
- Lauren Boebert—the QAnon-supporting congresswoman who owns a gun-themed restaurant in Colorado—offered actual “thoughts and prayers” following yesterday’s tragic mass shooting in Boulder, to which everyone has replied in unison, “Get bent.” (via HuffPost)
- The giant cicada swarm known as Brood X is coming and we’re all just trying not to think about it. (via Washington Post)
Shrimp in your cereal doesn’t sound so bad now pic.twitter.com/xzsZhRA9wg
— Washington Post TikTok Guy | Snyder Cut (@davejorgenson) March 23, 2021
- I’ve only watched the first episode of HBO’s QAnon docuseries and honestly, I have no plans to watch more. (via Pajiba)
- Lego’s new Discovery Space Shuttle is so cool AND it comes with a replica of the Hubble Telescope! (via Gizmodo)
- This app will show you which indigenous land you’re on. (via CNN)
Happy (??) Tuesday, everybody.
Shoutout to this teacher that took his Kindergarten class on a virtual field trip to the zoo.
Teachers are SO underpaid. pic.twitter.com/cyj8OCiXnB
— My car updates. (@iMDRW) March 22, 2021
(image: unleashthebeauty on VisualHunt)
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