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Things We Saw Today: These Are Some Cinnamon Toast Crunch Nightmares

A box of cinnamon toast crunch on a table.

It’s the stuff of nightmares: You sit down for breakfast on a regular Monday morning, pour yourself a big bowl of sugary cereal, only to find shrimp tails scattered through your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. That’s what happened to writer/producer/comedian/lots of other things Jensen Karp yesterday, and he’s been inviting/forcing us all to live his trauma vicariously with him via Twitter.

He first posted about the crustacean interlopers on Monday.

That’s super gross (and potentially dangerous if he had had a shellfish allergy, plus this cereal is supposed to be a Kosher food) but it probably wouldn’t have gone mega-viral if the company hadn’t responded by trying to gaslight Karp into thinking those obvious shrimp tails were just clumps of sugar.

In addition to the shrimp tails, there were also these strange black bits that seemed to be baked into the cereal.

If you haven’t already checked out of this article, just know that it’s only about to get even grosser. The general consensus seems to be that those black things are rodent droppings and that everything else in the cereal bag was hoarded by the animal.

Karp’s wife—who, by the way, is Danielle Fishel, aka Topanga from Boy Meets World—checked the other bag in the family-pack box and found more items. Even worse, the bag had apparently been taped shut, meaning someone saw this and thought tape was an acceptable solution.

By the way, if you saw this and thought, well, at least he caught it before eating any!—that is not the case.

This saga is ongoing but right now, Karp has taken the items to a lab to have them analyzed. The cereal company offered to do DNA testing on the shrimp, but Karp also wanted to have his own tests done, based on how they first reacted to his complaint with gaslighting and claims of sugar clumps.

Luckily Karp says he’s feeling ok after eating a bowl of shrimp-and-mysterious-black-things-infested cereal but is clearly (and rightly!) still pissed at the response from the company (which insists this didn’t happen at their facility, baked-in possible rat poop be damned, I guess).

Thoughts and prayers to Karp, we’ll definitely be following this ordeal to its end.

Update 3/24: The Cinnamon Toast Shrimp guy has been milkshake ducked after a number of his ex-partners have accused him of various forms of emotional abuse on Twitter.

We also saw some other things today:

  • Meghan McCain has apologized for her past anti-Asian rhetoric after being called out by John Oliver. (via LA Times)
  • Lauren Boebert—the QAnon-supporting congresswoman who owns a gun-themed restaurant in Colorado—offered actual “thoughts and prayers” following yesterday’s tragic mass shooting in Boulder, to which everyone has replied in unison, “Get bent.” (via HuffPost)
  • The giant cicada swarm known as Brood X is coming and we’re all just trying not to think about it. (via Washington Post)

  • I’ve only watched the first episode of HBO’s QAnon docuseries and honestly, I have no plans to watch more. (via Pajiba)
  • Lego’s new Discovery Space Shuttle is so cool AND it comes with a replica of the Hubble Telescope! (via Gizmodo)
  • This app will show you which indigenous land you’re on. (via CNN)

Happy (??) Tuesday, everybody.

(image: unleashthebeauty on VisualHunt)

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Vivian Kane (she/her) is the Senior News Editor at The Mary Sue, where she's been writing about politics and entertainment (and all the ways in which the two overlap) since the dark days of late 2016. Born in San Francisco and radicalized in Los Angeles, she now lives in Kansas City, Missouri, where she gets to put her MFA to use covering the local theatre scene. She is the co-owner of The Pitch, Kansas City’s alt news and culture magazine, alongside her husband, Brock Wilbur, with whom she also shares many cats.