The Mary Sue


Edward Snowden Is Working on Phone Case That Will Alert You If You’re Being Spied On

Please call it "The Whistleblower." Please.

For the paranoid, there's already some tech out there that will allow you to completely shut off your phone from the outside world and go off the grid, but you're going to have to go back on eventually—otherwise why do you have a phone, you maniac? That's why Edward Snowden is working on a phone case that will warn you if your phone is colluding with the enemy/the government/anyone.

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NASA’s New Horizons Spacecraft Makes Historic Pluto Flyby, Sends Back Incredible Imagery

NASA's New Horizons spacecraft is currently whizzing past Pluto at over 30,000 mph after navigating the solar system for a decade, and the imagery it's sending back definitely proves it's taken the scenic route.

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Hasta La Vista, Privacy: Meet NSA’s Very Own Skynet Program

I know now why you spy.

In a stunningly surprising-yet-not-surprising move, The Intercept revealed that the NSA has named one of its metadata gathering programs Skynet. You know, the horrifying computer system in that one movie that tries to end humanity as we know it? The one that creates super powered cyborgs that kill humans? The thing that allowed us to create the "Governator" nickname? Yeah. That Skynet.

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Yahoo Getting Rid of All Those Pesky Passwords With New Authentication System

But what will we do with all of our capital letters and numbers?

Your extra capital letters, numbers, and special characters may have to find a new home soon, because Yahoo has a new system to get rid of all those annoying passwords. You know, because you totally don't just use the same one for everything. That would be irresponsible.

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The Actual NSA is Here With the Creepy Valentine’s Wishes You Never Wanted

Happy Valentines Day!

NSA, if this is the sort of thing that you have to come out and tell people, just telling them hasn't erased the root of the problem.

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UnPocket and 1984-Inspired “Stealth Fashion” Will Make You Digitally Invisible


"Post-Snowden" fashion is becoming a reality as the Kickstarter for UnPocket, which renders your Internet device off-the-grid when using it, has surpassed its funding goal.

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Yahoo! Catches Up With Google and Microsoft, Will Encrypt Email to Keep the NSA Out of Your Inbox

Now that address is a little less embarrassing.

Email is one of the least secure ways to communicate, but it's also one of the most common. With the recent revelations that the NSA is spying on everyone security has become a bigger priority in people's lives, and businesses are looking to cash in. Yahoo! just announced they're joining Google and Microsoft in efforts to encrypt their email service.

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Sources Say the NSA Kept Heartbleed Bug A Secret And Exploited It For Years

Et tu, CVE-2014-0160?

We've only known about the Heartbleed threat since April 7th, but sources say the bug was no surprise to the NSA. In a violation of trust that may end America's remaining patience for irresponsible surveillance, the NSA kept the coding flaw a secret and left citizens vulnerable to threats from criminals and foreign intelligence agencies for years.

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New Report Says the NSA Poses as Facebook to Spread Their Malware, Good Thing We’ve All Moved on to Twitter

When searching for terrorists, leave no picture of a baby or pet unchecked.

Oh my God, the NSA is posing as Facebook to spread malware and steal all of your data! Can you even belie—no, I can't do it. I just cannot be surprised at the depths of this whole NSA spying debacle anymore. I don't have anything left. If they mounted a camera to my skull that observed my face at all times, all they'd see is a lack of shock.

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The NSA’s Leaked Advice Column Is Real and Extremely Ironic

Dear Redacted...

Being a professional voyeur is stressful. Thanks to Edward Snowden, we now know that the NSA provided their employees with the guidance necessary to navigate the demands of their unique profession using a "Dear Abby"-style advice column. One frequent complaint? NSA spies were uncomfortable with constant surveillance in the workplace.

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The NSA Helped British Spies Observe Yahoo Users For Years

Mostly to figure out why they still used Yahoo?

Here's news to make you recoil from your computer in disgust: we're not done with horrifying NSA revelations. The Guardian broke the news today that the NSA helped its British equivalent GCHQ spy on Yahoo users from 2008 to 2010 as part of operation "Optic Nerve," and now spies know what a lot of us look like naked. M would be outraged.

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Today We Fight Back Against the NSA and Our Future Orwellian Dystopia With a Day of Activism

We're mad as Hell, and we're not gonna take it anymore.

The Internet is tired of complaining about the NSA, but instead of taking the "just stop complaining about it" option, there's an Internet-wide day of activism today. So, if you want your Internet porn habits to stay private (or your personal phone records. Whatever), crank up "We're Not Gonna Take It" and read what they want you to do about it.

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Relax, Friends: Angry Birds Didn’t Tell The NSA How Much Time You Spend Playing It

At least, that's what they want you to think.

After a recently released report that suggested the NSA collected user information from apps "like" Angry Birds, Rovio Entertainment has released a press release saying that they definitely didn't collude with the NSA to provide that information. It was probably those darn pigs, is what it was.

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Is Your Cellphone NSA-Proof? No? Well, This One Is

Stop the government from listening to your calls with something better than a foil hat.

Since we all learned the NSA has been keeping much closer tabs on everyone than we thought, privacy has become a big concern for people. You no longer have to be paranoid to think Big Brother is watching, since he probably is. Don't worry. There's a new smartphone that claims to be NSA-proof.

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NSA Tried to Find Terrorists by Playing Online Games, Genius Plan Somehow Failed

"Freeze, scumbag! Drop the duck!"

You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy than... Xbox Live? OK, we might not be willing to repeat some of the trash talk we've heard there, but it's a bit amusing to imagine a bunch of intelligence agents deciding that it's a good place to do surveillance for terrorists. It's much easier to imagine they just thought it'd be fun.

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PRSM: The Social Network You’re Part Of Whether You Like It or Not

The ability to constantly share everything, with people you've never met before, and you don't even know they're listening! Welcome to the future!

Do you like sharing on the Internet? Of course you do, it's what the Internet is for! But what if there was a service to let you share everything? Not just what you think is cool, but every site you visit and email you send, period. Good news -- there is! And the better news? You're already signed up for PRSM, the NSA's new social network.

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The NSA Is, Like, Super Desperate: Using Twitter and Made Up Words to Hire People

Next up: 2014 Midterms to be determined by which candidate gets the most 'likes'.

So, the NSA has had a hard time of things recently. Since everyone kind of hates them now, it has made hiring anyone a little more difficult than anticipated, because in addition to being reprimanded by college students, they've started tweeting job listings that may or may not use accepted English words.

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Edward Snowden Masks Donned By Brazilian Protesters And Senators

E For EdSnowdendetta, coming to theatres everywhere

Move over, Guy Fawkes. The new face of resistance to government authority is NSA leaker Edward Snowden, and we have the creepy masks to prove it. In Brazil, activists opposed to the NSA's spying programs made masks of Snowden's face, and like-minded senators borrowed them to wear to a hearing.

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Meet the OFF Pocket, a Privacy Accessory That Caters to Your Paranoia

There's probably a very niche market for this thing, but what is Kickstarter for if not niche markets?

Worried the guv'ment is spying on your phone? (They are!) Well now there's the OFF Pocket -- the cell phone equivalent of wearing an aluminum foil hat to keep people from reading your thoughts. It promises security from spies, and it's already halfway funded on Kickstarter.

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Edward Snowden Receives Travel Documents, Free to Leave Moscow Airport

After spending a month living in the Sheremetyevo Airport in Moscow, we'll bet pretty much anywhere that's not an airport concourse looks pretty good right now.

According to Reuters, NSA leaker Edward Snowden has finally been granted travel papers that would let him leave the transit area of Moscow's Sheremetyevo airport, where he has spent the last few weeks working to find his way to one of several nation's that has granted him asylum. Exactly where Snowden is heading now is still up in the air, but sources have indicated to Russian news site RT that Snowden is getting a fresh set of clothes and preparing to leave the airport shortly.

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