This Mouse “Feels Just As Good In Your Hand As It Does On Your Body,” If You’re Into That
Chocolate and peanut butter. Pizza and beer. Sriracha and anything. The list of great tastes that taste great together just got a little bit longer with the introduction of the Massager Mouse. Yes, that is exactly what it sounds like — a computer mouse that also functions as a personal massager. The mouse, which is currently showing at EroFame, Europe’s premier trade show for adult toys — and we’re not talking tablet computers — can help you click your way around a database, then switch gears at the press of a button to massage the stress out of sore muscles in your neck, shoulders and, uh, other parts.
The Massager Mouse is a wireless USB mouse with an ambidextrous design and, oh, just all sorts of functions, including 10 vibration levels and 2 different vibration patterns. It has LED lights around the edges, designed to “set a soothing massage mood,” which tends to be a little lacking here at the Geekosystem offices. It even has an ambidextrous design that allows users to use both hands. You know, to navigate the computer screen. And stuff. Frankly, it’s just kind of a shame this thing doesn’t have a built-in speaker, because it is literally one Al Green song away from my dream date.
The official purpose of the Massager Mouse? Stress relief and pain management. Get a load of the press release snippet below, and maybe read between the lines a little?
The massage mouse gives you the control and precision of a state-of-the-art touch-sensitive mouse and the convenience of a powerful massager. With the massager mouse you can stop work, switch to massage mode, massage away aches and pains and return to work feeling refreshed.
On a personal note, if you’re getting down with one of these things in the office, please for the love of God do not return to work afterward. Just go ahead and call that one a half-day. No one is going to mind.
- This would be a really cruel gift for the surprisingly long-lived eunuch in your life
- Chances are this mouse will be banned in the Philippines in no time flat
- Don’t want to shell out the dough for a new mouse? There is always this smutty search engine
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