The UK Has a Real Batman Saving People From Muggers and Why Did We Fight for Independence Again?
The hero we apparently don't deserve.
Among other things we in the United States won freedom from back in the 1700s (like “having awesome British accents” and “universal health care”), we also apparently gave up being under Batman’s jurisdiction—a rather large oversight by our founders. In the UK, right now, there’s apparently someone running around in a black costume and mask fighting crime, and they’re calling him “Bromley Batman,” named for the southern London borough he’s been protecting.
Speaking to the London Evening Standard, a neighborhood man described his decidedly non-standard foiled mugging by a group of attackers, saying,
I thought I was quite literally done for. Then, out of nowhere, a man about 6ft tall, dressed in black combat-style trousers and a tight muscle top, and wearing a black bandana mask, came running towards them. He kicked the biggest of my attackers to the ground, which must have knocked the wind out of him. Then he grabbed one of the others and swung him into the other one, and pushed them both into a prickly hedge. They were both screaming in pain.
The man was named only as “Ken” and asked that his full name be kept out of the paper so his family wouldn’t get scared, and while other eye-witness reports have reached the Standard, it seems there’s no photographic evidence or police report to back them up. But let’s be real: He wouldn’t be a very good Batman if there were.
He’s apparently undergone all the requisite training if a man who described him as putting someone in a “ninja lock” is to be believed, and he may even be gathering his own rogues gallery based on statements from a woman whose purse he saved from a thief. Her attacker apparently “didn’t speak but made an angry growling sound.”
That sounds familiar. Hmmmmm…
The Standard is looking for any information on THE (Bromley) BATMAN, who is described to be a large man in a black costume with a mostly covered face and a well groomed beard, which sounds suspiciously like Ben Affleck. That’s some intense method acting.
—Please make note of The Mary Sue’s general comment policy.—