Her Father Thought Women Didn’t Fart. Then, To His Horror, His Girlfriend Did: ‘She’s Not a Woman!’
You never really know someone until they fart around you.
At times, men can be clueless about women’s bodies. But while some men can be perplexed by periods, Jess Baker (@jm.bakered) shared that her father thought women couldn’t even fart, all because of a lie her grandmother told in the spur of the moment.
“My dad has three brothers and no sisters. My prim and proper grandmother had a house of boys,” Baker said on TikTok. She explained that her grandmother was the type to leave home with her curls up and makeup done.
“As such, my grandmother often found herself in a van full of Baker boys—the van nicknamed ‘The Big Ugly,’ so this big, red monstrosity that happened to fit all of them, including the fishing gear,” she added. While on a long road trip with the family, someone ripped a loud fart.
The horror as he discovers the truth
“It smells the entire van up,” Baker said. The Big Ugly also became the big stinky, and the boys started arguing about it. The brothers were at the back, grilling each other on who farted. Then their mother spoke from the front seat, “Well, it wasn’t me. Women don’t fart.” Baker said that her father, who was around ten years old at the time, believed his mother’s words.
“Fast forward a couple of years, my dad is with his high school girlfriend,” Baker recalled. She said that her father was hanging out with his girlfriend at her house, and then he started tickling her on the ribs.
“They’re having a fantastic time, and then she farts. And my dad, knowing in the deep wrinkles of his brain that women don’t fart, rears back, absolutely in shock,” Baker alleged. The girlfriend apologized for farting, flustered by the situation.
“What did you just do?” Baker’s father sternly asked. The man, according to his daughter, was both stern and disgusted. The girlfriend admitted that she farted, and he was in disbelief. What was supposed to be a small apology for a bowel oopsie ended in tears. Baker said her father’s girlfriend started crying, apologizing over and over for farting. Without a word, the man left. In his mind, women don’t fart, so he drove back home, breaking up with her over the incident.
“She’s frantic, she’s reaching out, she doesn’t understand what she’s done wrong,” Baker said. After some time, his girlfriend’s father approached Baker’s grandmother and asked to reconsider the breakup. This interaction prompted the woman to speak with her son, who abruptly ended the relationship over a fart.
That’s obviously unreasonable, but the fact remains that you can get in serious trouble for farting at the wrong time, as this man who was kicked off a flight for “combatively” farting would surely attest.
“Why did you break up with her?” Baker’s grandmother asked. She was surprised to learn that he left the girlfriend so abruptly. The woman thought it was out of character for her son. “She farted. She’s not a woman,” Baker’s father allegedly said. His own mother was perplexed by her son’s logic. It sounded as unreasonable as finding a used tampon in a pair of Abercrombie & Fitch jeans.
“Now, what in all [expletive]?” The woman reacted. Baker alleged that her own grandmother doesn’t swear, but the situation stunned her. Then her son brought up the memory of their road trip and how his mother told him that women don’t fart. His mother then clarified, “Oh honey, women fart. A proper lady doesn’t, but women do fart, sweetheart.” She also told her son to apologize to his girlfriend, which he eventually did. They got back together for some time but ultimately married Baker’s mother.
Even his wife was afraid of farting around him
While her mother was pregnant with Baker, the woman used to go to the bathroom every five minutes during her third trimester. Eventually, her father asked if his wife was okay, concerned about his wife’s frequent bathroom breaks.
“I’m really concerned about you and the baby,” he said. But his wife allegedly replied, gritting her teeth, “Don’t worry about it.” Baker revealed that her mother had apparently heard the story regarding her dad’s ex-girlfriend and how he flipped out once after she farted.
Her husband, worried about his wife and child, asked her what was going on in the bathroom. “Once I tell you, we can’t take it back,” Baker’s mother replied. The man panicked, thinking something had happened to the baby. Then, his wife revealed, “I’m farting.”
Relief washed over Baker’s father, and then he said, “Is that it?” Hearing her husband’s acceptance, Baker’s mother started crying. “And so, my mom lets out that fart genie out of the bottle, and there’s no going back,” Baker said. She was also happy to add that her father went on to have “two stinky [expletive] daughters,” including herself.
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