Two of this summer’s most anticipated films, Barbie and Oppenheimer, are both coming out on the same day: July 21, 2023. If you try to see both, it’ll be one hell of a double feature!
Barbie, directed by Greta Gerwig and starring Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling, sees the titular doll (Robbie) leaving her pink-hued wonderland and venturing out into the real world. Christopher Nolan’s Oppenheimer, on the other hand, is a biopic about J. Robert Oppenheimer (Cillian Murphy) wrestling with his role in creating the first nuclear bomb.
If you’re trying to decide which movie to see on July 21, we put together this easy quiz to help you figure it out! Simply read each statement below, and give yourself 3 points if you agree, 2 points if you don’t feel strongly one way or the other, and 1 point if you disagree. At the end, total up the number of points you got and we’ll tell you which movie you should buy tickets for.
Here we go!
- I love things that are happy and fun, and I want to spend a couple of hours inhabiting a world that’s as happy and fun as I am.
- I’m generally optimistic about the future of the human race. I definitely don’t think we’re all doomed to die in the fire of our own hubris.
- Ryan Gosling as a living Ken doll? Yes please!
- I have no interest in being subjected to Cillian Murphy’s tortured gaze. It’s a reminder of a brutal reality that I’m desperate to escape.
- I like a director who packages their cutting social commentary in an upbeat, candy-coated wonderland. No grim, terrifying movies for me, thanks.
- Pink is awesome! Rollerblading is awesome, too!
- I don’t want to be confronted with the atrocities committed by the American imperial war machine. They already haunt me, tearing at my waking thoughts and snaking through my dreams.
- Margot Robbie!!!
Now, total up your points!
If you got 8-12 points, you should see …
Barbie
Friend, you are a PILL. You need to lighten up! Go treat yourself to some silly fun for a change. Don’t worry, the world is still on fire, and there’s still very little that you can personally do to stop it. We won’t tell anyone that you escaped into a brief little pocket of joy for once in your life.
If you got 13-19 points, you should …
Stay home
You need to figure yourself out before you can make a big decision like this. Take a walk, clear your head, and then sit down and try this quiz again. Seriously, you can’t half-ass it when it comes to choosing between a children’s toy and the horrors of nuclear proliferation.
If you got 16-24 points, you should see …
Oppenheimer
Yes, it’s fun to be fun, but you need to grow up, which means it’s time to snuff the last bits of childlike wonder out of your life. Stop wearing bright colors. Throw away that branded merch. Never laugh again. This is the real world, kid, and it’s about time you joined it.
(featured image: Warner Bros. / Universal Pictures)
