Terrible news, UK porn watchers: unless your favorite British-run streaming service can ensure that its kinkier fare “is made available in a manner which secures that persons under the age of 18 will not normally see or hear it,” it’s about to get censored right off your Internet—and apparently, “female ejaculation” counts.
Called the Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014, this new amendment to the Communications Act of 2003 requires that online porn now adhere to the same guidelines laid out for the DVDs you get in real life sex shops, which are regulated by  by the British Board of Film Censors. Here’s the full list of banned sexual acts, via The Independent:
- Spanking
- Caning
- Aggressive whipping
- Penetration by any object “associated with violence”
- Physical or verbal abuse (regardless of if consensual)
- Urolangia (known as “water sports”)
- Female ejaculation
- Strangulation
- Facesitting
- Fisting
The latter three—strangulation, fisting, and facesitting—have the additional pleasure (pun intended) of being deemed “life-endangering” by the British Board of Film Censors. Okay, strangulation is completely understandable and vaginal fisting has been known to cause air embolism in extreme cases, but facesitting? What’s wrong, men of Britain, is having a woman’s vulva that close to your brain going to cause radioactive poisoning? Because it’s not going to smother you. We promise. That’s a completely different sexual fetish.
But of course, the real kicker on this list is female ejaculation, which, unlike the other conscious acts on the list like spanking or water sports, is a real physical thing that happens to some women naturally when they climax. Trying to ban this from the Internet guidelines makes literally no sense—and even worse, it serves to further alienate the women who do experience female ejaculation, as erotica is one of the very few outlets that acknowledges its existence and doesn’t just handwave the stuff coming out of your body during sex as “pee,” which it isn’t. Women are already taught to be ashamed of their bodies so much of the time, especially when it comes to sex—can’t we just have this one thing available next to all the videos of women performing on a bunch of dudes, just for us?
Naturally none of these new measures will keep consenting British adults from participating in any of these acts, however, or making copious amounts of money off of their incredibly inaccurate portrayal (looking at you, E.L. James). Nor will it necessarily affect those who view foreign-made porn, on which there are no UK restrictions. But what it will do is negatively affect the way that British porn producers conduct their business, with the added bonus of completely ignoring the importance of consent in the BDSM community in the first place by simply banning it all without distinction.
Oh well. At least there’s ONE group of iconic British subjects who’ll never object to facesitting:
(via Jezebel, image via sakkmesterke/Shutterstock)
- The Guardians of the Galaxy Porn Title Is a Thing of Beauty
- So There’s a Bob’s Burgers Porn Parody Now
- I Watched Geek Porn Parodies And Lived To Blog About It
Are you following The Mary Sue on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Pinterest, & Google +?
