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Posts by Dan Van Winkle

    Dan Van Winkle — Associate Editor

    Dan is a video game modding hobbyist and secret ninja who lives in New Jersey.

  1. Everybody Panic! Capitalism Is Killing You With Toxic Receipt Paper! Is Nothing Sacred!?

    Et tu, Filene?

    That's it. Bolt your doors. Board up your windows. Huddle alone in the dark and for Chrissakes, don't touch anything. Everything is trying to kill you. Everything. Even the receipt paper from that donut you just bought. Even huddling alone in the dark, because you'll probably starve if you don't ruin the whole thing by going outside or moving or something. Life carries a significant risk of death.

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  2. This Halloween, Never Forget: Bill Murray WILL Find You

    And no one will ever believe you.

    He can be anywhere, at any time. HE COULD BE BEHIND YOU RIGHT NOW. You wouldn't happen to be near any film festivals or Wes Anderson movies, by any chance...

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  3. Men Are Whiny Babies Who Secretly Hate It When Their Female Partners Succeed, Says Science

    Self-esteem boost, dudes: We're definitely winning in the "whiniest baby" category.

    Feeling great about your success? Awesome. I mean, someone has to, and it's probably not your boyfriend/husband/live-in man-baby, according to a scientific study from last year which I'm guessing is just as accurate today. No, he's probably more concerned with how your success makes him look in comparison, even if he won't say so.

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  4. FCC Asks for the Internet’s Help Parsing 2.5 Million Net-Neutrality Comments. This Should Be Good

    BRB. Grabbing popcorn.

    Yesterday, the FCC released the full text of the citizen comments from their hotly debated set of Internet rules that would give the go ahead for ISPs to charge sites and services for faster connection speeds to users and hurt the open Internet. And whose help are they looking to enlist for the almost 2.5 million comments just from the most recent batch? Why, the Internet's, of course.

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  5. Things We Saw Today: One Person Cosplays Every Johnny Depp Character Because Why Not?

    Captain Ichabod Scissorhands at your service.

    Somebody went to incredibly great lengths to get all the costume pieces together to cosplay as every Johnny Depp character. At least that difficulty was probably balanced out by the fact that 90% of them are basically the same. *Ducks and covers.*

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  6. Google Planning a Gmail Replacement Called Inbox With a Social Media-Inspired Feel

    You can't take the Gmail from me!

    Ever since Google set the standard for modern email with Gmail, they've been adding features to further improve your email experience through automation with limited success. Well, they're finally going to take a full-fledged crack at revolutionizing email again by replacing Gmail entirely with a new product called inbox.

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  7. Pee-wee’s Playhouse on Blu-Ray and—Wait, Paul Reubens Says a New Movie Announcement Is Imminent!?

    Is "new Pee-wee Herman movie" the secret word of the day? Because we're all screaming real loud.

    Come in and pull yourself up a chair. Paul Reubens has some exciting things to say about the big reveal of the new Pee-wee movie.

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  8. MIT Warns Mars One Habitat Plans May Poison Their Own Mars Settlers Within 70 Days of Arrival

    You got what you want. Give these people air! ...But not too much of it.

    Mars One is a private Mars settlement mission that aims to recoup the costs of establishing the first human colony on an alien planet by turning it into a reality show, so now you've got some context for the fact that their life support plans may actually backfire and poison their own settlers. That's one heck of an elimination challenge.

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  9. Surprise! That DNA “Evidence” Shows We’re All Jack the Ripper Victims! Or Something Like That

    These scientists need a lesson from Mr. DNA.

    Oh no! The (most) recent supposed Jack the Ripper identification was wrong! He's still at large! Wait, what do you mean he lived over 100 years ago?

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  10. Things We Saw Today: The Hogwarts Uniform Dress Is Better Than Your Muggle Tuxedo T-Shirts

    Real fact: Wizards never wear tuxedo t-shirts.

    Closet cosplay complete. It now takes absolutely no extra effort to make sure no one mistakes you for a muggle and dress like a wizard in your everyday life thanks to the Hogwarts uniform dress.

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