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The Satanic Temple Officially Endorses The Witch

Were you thinking of seeing The Witch? Well, not only has it been positively received by various film critics, it now also has the Satanist stamp of approval.

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Things We Saw Today: Sophie Turner as Jean Grey Fanart Is Coming

*Heavy breathing*

I didn't think it was possible for us to be more excited about Sansa Grey, but clearly I was wrong.

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Right-Wing Columnist: Oprah Is Pushing Satanism With the Ice Bucket Challenge, or … Something

And you get eternal damnation! And you get eternal damnation!

So God needs to hire a new social media specialist, because Satan is crapping all over him. Sure, @TheTweetofGod is popular and all, but Satan's invention of the Ice Bucket Challenge stunt is next-level. Oh, you didn't know that dumping a bucket of ice over your head for charity is a Satanic ritual? Looks like you're not up on all the latest conspiracies. I bet you still think we landed on the moon and tin foil is only for covering leftovers. Get on our level.

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Today’s Weather Forecast: Cloudy With A Chance Of WTF [Video]

A little after midnight, the peaceful inhabitants of Nashville, Tennessee were kicking back, watching Late Night with Jimmy Fallon on WSMV-TV, Channel 4 News. Cue the weather forecast. Looks like it's gonna be a hell of a storm. We do not know who that thing is, or what happened to its teeth, so if you know, drop us a line and let us know that it won't be raining demons somewhere in the world.

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Brazilian Evangelical Group Bans USB as a “Symbol of Satan”

Reports are circulating from Brazil that an evangelical cult known as "Paz do Senhor Amado" has banned USB devices from the homes of its followers on the grounds that the USB symbol looks like Satan's trident. The Guardian translates from the Portuguese:
The evangelical cult "Paz do Senhor Amado" ("Peace of the beloved Lord") in the interior of Brazil forbids its followers to use any USB technology by contending that it uses a symbol that shows sympathy for the devil. According to its founder, the "Apostle" Welder Saldanha says that this is just another symbol of Satan, which is always present in all Christian homes. "The symbol of that name (a name which he doesn't even like to pronounce) is a trident, which is used to torture souls that go to hell. Use only a symbol of those shows that all users of that vile technology are actually worshipers of Satan" - explains the" Apostle". Measures were taken so that all the USB connections of his followers were exchanged for common connections and even the Bluetooth (sic), which according to Saldanha Welder is permitted, for "Blue was the color of the eyes of our savior Jesus Christ".
Good thing Welder Saldanha hasn't heard about SATA. (Guardian via BuzzFeed)

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Reason #49,092 Why Shrek Sucks: 12 Million Toxic Shrek Glasses Recalled by McDonald’s

I hate the Shrek movies. I just hate them. In what, at times, seems like a golden age of children's entertainment (see: every Pixar movie that doesn't include Larry the Cable Guy), they're a sharp reminder of just how lazy the genre can be. They have nothing to say, their only purpose is to steal money from indiscriminating parents, they're marketed based on the actors in them instead of a the characters and story (this is even worse for the rest of the Dreamworks Animation bilge), and, worst of all, they feign "sophistication" by filling the movie with dated and inappropriate pop culture references that are meant to keep the poor adults in the audience from committing mass suicide and traumatizing their children even further. I've said it many times; the Shrek movies are poisoning our youth. Now though, it seems they're poisoning kids literally.

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