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This New Hamburglar Commercial Just Raises Even More Questions

And the answers to those questions raise EVEN MORE QUESTIONS.

I can’t stop cringing at this new commercial from McDonalds. Maybe I’m a little old-fashioned. Maybe I like my Hamburglar not complaining about his wife. But frankly, the idea of the Hamburglar being married frightens me a little bit. Why was she calling him? Who were the cake and candles for? Why wouldn’t you buy that ahead of time?

I guess in a gritty world gone mad, one burglar had to find the juiciest score of all time. To bring home the bacon, he had to go on one last heist. So maybe he leaves his kid’s birthday (?) to steal some hamburgers (??) from his local McDonalds (???) and is annoyed that his wife is worried about him (????). And, perhaps the greatest mystery of all is: how the hell is he using his phone with those gloves on?

Just.. robble robble, man. Robble robble.


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Jessica Lachenal is a writer who doesn’t talk about herself a lot, so she isn’t quite sure how biographical info panels should work. But here we go anyway. She's the Weekend Editor for The Mary Sue, a Contributing Writer for The Bold Italic (, and a Staff Writer for Spinning Platters ( She's also been featured in Model View Culture and Frontiers LA magazine, and on Autostraddle. She hopes this has been as awkward for you as it has been for her.