To a dinosaur-loving 90s kid, Jurassic Park was the perfect mix of “wow cool” and “maybe I’ll sleep with the lights on tonight.” Based on the science fiction novel by Michael Crichton, the film series is now broken into two trilogies with the second trilogy set to come to an end with the upcoming release of Jurassic World: Dominion.
The movies are the perfect example of “maybe men should stop trying to play God” as someone (or several someones) continues to think it’s a good idea to mess around with DINOSAURS, of all things. This typically leads to a lot of deaths, a lot of action, and a whole lot of running. Here are all of the films, in order, to get us ready for the return of all of our faves from the original movie.
What if a park, but with dinosaurs? Jurassic Park (1993)
Synopsis: In Steven Spielberg’s massive blockbuster, paleontologists Alan Grant (Sam Neill) and Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern) and mathematician Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) are among a select group chosen to tour an island theme park populated by dinosaurs created from prehistoric DNA. While the park’s mastermind, billionaire John Hammond (Richard Attenborough), assures everyone that the facility is safe, they find out otherwise when various ferocious predators break free and go on the hunt.
Thoughts: This movie, honestly, has aged like a fine wine. I feel like it’s gotten better as I’ve gotten older. Even if I know that John Hammond’s idea is TERRIBLE, I can’t help the childlike fascination that occurs when everyone first arrives at Jurassic Park… only for it to melt into blood-curdling horror and a sigh of relief when everyone definitely learns their lesson and never tries this shit again. That’s what happens, right?
You actually went there willingly?! The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
Synopsis: John Hammond (Richard Attenborough) summons chaos theorist Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) to his home with some startling information – while nearly everything at his Jurassic Park had been destroyed, his engineers happened to have a second site, where other dinosaurs were kept in hiding. It seems the dinosaurs on the second island are alive and well and even breeding, and Hammond wants Malcolm to observe and document the reptiles before Hammond’s financiers can get to them.
Thoughts: Just when Ian Malcolm thought he was out, they pulled him back in (in a rather underhanded way, too). Watching Jeff Goldblum’s “WTF is WRONG with you people” energy is what makes this movie for me, followed by the completely bonkers moment where they decide to, you know, bring a dinosaur to the city. Also, a moment of silence for those gas prices in that gif.
The one with Alan’s bad dinosaur dream. Jurassic Park III (2001)
Synopsis: After being persuaded by a wealthy businessman to conduct an aerial tour of Isla Sorna, InGen’s second site for a failed Jurassic Park experiment, Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill) discovers the true reason for his invitation. A tragic accident maroons the party of seven, and they must attempt to escape with their lives.
Thoughts: Please, for the love of all that is holy, RESEARCH where you decide to go parasailing, I BEG you. Besides that, I don’t remember much of this movie, if I’m being honest, besides the part where Alan has the dinosaur nightmare on the plane. The trilogy kinda fizzled out with this one.
There’s sponsors for Jurassic Park now. Jurassic World (2015)
Synopsis: Located off the coast of Costa Rica, the Jurassic World luxury resort provides a habitat for an array of genetically engineered dinosaurs, including the vicious and intelligent Indominus rex. When the massive creature escapes, it sets off a chain reaction that causes the other dinos to run amok. Now, it’s up to a former military man and animal expert (Chris Pratt) to use his special skills to save two young brothers and the rest of the tourists from an all-out, prehistoric assault.
Thoughts: A prime example of a movie where I used to go, “no one in their right mind would try this after so many failed attempts,” only to be proven wrong as I continued to watch the state of the world. Still, the idea that a corporation thought they had to make dinosaurs “cooler” because kids found them boring is… actually, that’s accurate, too, I can see a corporation doing that. Goddamnit.
Y’all should’ve listened to Ian Malcolm. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
Synopsis: Three years after the destruction of the Jurassic World theme park, Owen Grady (Chris Pratt) and Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas Howard) return to the island of Isla Nublar to save the remaining dinosaurs from a volcano that’s about to erupt. They soon encounter terrifying new breeds of gigantic dinos while uncovering a conspiracy that threatens the entire planet.
Thoughts: Much like Jurassic Park III I honestly don’t remember much of this movie. I saw it one time and there was just a lot of chaos on the screen. It does, however, set up a pretty daunting premise for Dominion where the dinosaurs are now roaming around freely. I’m sure that’ll work out great for us.
(Featured image: Universal Pictures)
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