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Editing Women out of Avengers: Endgame Leaves a Boring-Ass Movie, but That Didn’t Stop the Internet

Avengers: Endgame review

To put it simply: How are you going to edit the women out of Avengers: Endgame when Natasha Romanoff died so that they could get the Soul Stone? In the next installment of “Toxic Fans Continue to be Sexist Garbage,” there is a pirated version of the movie floating around that is a chauvinistic cut of a film that already kills off a female character for the character growth of a man who murdered people in his free time, so like, okay then.

But, you know what? It’s bad enough that they edited women out, but … also anything deemed “gay”? So, no men hugging? I guess every Steve and Tony scene is cut, then! That’s right: This version of the movie should be basically Tony Stark’s funeral, and that’s it, because that’s the only way it’d make any sense with all of this stuff cut, right?

Putting my anger aside, I want to really take a look at this and unpack how on God’s green Earth any of it would make any sense. The beginning of the movie starts with Tony Stark all but dying in space. He’s being cared for by Nebula, and Carol Danvers saves them both and brings them down to the Avengers compound. So … no Carol Danvers or “feminist” takes, right? I guess that entire scene is cut, so the movie starts with … what? Pepper and Tony hugging? Remember, no affection between men allowed, so all Steve and Tony moments have got to go.

From there, the movie goes to Carol Danvers leading the charge to take on Thanos. Again, no Carol, so I guess that’s cut all. If we’re going by the standard of “no feminism and nothing that can be taken as ‘gay’ subtext,” I guess the rat saving Scott Lang is next, right after Tony’s spontaneous appearance on Earth.

The next scene that can possibly be in the movie is Steve Rogers getting to the Avengers compound five years later. Because, you know, no Natasha leading the remaining Avengers and no Steve leading a grief counseling session, because Joe Russo plays the first openly gay character in the MCU in the scene (don’t get me started).

Don’t worry, from there, nothing of importance can be included based on these rules! Sorry that this movie was my Stony-loving dream. Can’t do the battle of New York; Scott says that Steve has “America’s ass.” Can’t show the Soul Stone because of Natasha, can’t show anything on Morag because of Nebula, so … what can you include?

I guess, in the end, the movie is literally going to be Tony making the Stark Gauntlet, Hulk snapping, and everything thereafter until, you know, everyone comes back post-snap, Captain America with the Hammer, cut to Tony and Thanos fighting, and then Tony snapping his fingers. Can’t show Tony’s funeral, because he has a daughter who he loves and who is just as intelligent as him and, you know, feminism! Bad!

I guess the movie ends with Joe Biden sitting out looking at a lake because men can’t hug or show affection, so what a fun movie you’re going to watch if you want to see the chauvinist cut of Avengers: Endgame. Here’s what I think about this entire thing: Grow up, whoever edited this.

(via NPR, image: Marvel Entertainment)

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Rachel Leishman (She/Her) is an Assistant Editor at the Mary Sue. A writer her whole life but professionally starting back in 2016 who loves all things movies, TV, and classic rock. Resident Spider-Man expert, official Leslie Knope, actually Yelena Belova. Wanda Maximoff has never done anything wrong in her life. Star Wars makes her very happy. New York writer with a passion for all things nerdy. Yes, she has a Pedro Pascal podcast. And also a Harrison Ford one.