Girl Scouts Now Offering Lip Balms Flavored Like Their Cookies, If You Want That On Your Mouth All Day
They might not be offered door-to-door, but they will be available in stores: lip balm flavored like Girl Scout cookies. If you’re a normal person, your first reaction was probably something like, “Yay, Girl Scout cookies!” and then you heard “lip balm,” and then you thought, “Ew, sticky crumbs on my mouth!” And then you thought, “Wait, Girl Scout cookie-flavored lip balm would eradicate the sticky crumb mouth thing!” But then you thought, “Oh wait, do I really want to smell peanut butter on my mouth all day?” You know, a perfectly logical thought process. But yeah — Girl Scout cookie lip balm. Just what we’ve always wanted!
First of all, as a regular user of Lip Smacker products, I will defend using the somewhat juvenile-looking (seriously, look at their site and try not to wonder if Lisa Frank had her magenta-loving paws in this) fruity tubes to the death. They are cheap, they hydrate well without being too sticky, and I don’t have to look in a mirror to use them. Lip Smackers are the best — there, I said it. But much like other experiments in changing the media delivering our favorite food flavors — buttered popcorn jellybeans and Almond Joy-flavored coffee creamer, for example — this is gross.
While it does not appear to be financially benefiting the Girl Scouts (I’ll stand corrected if I’m wrong), they did work out a licensing deal with Lip Smacker to turn some of their most popular cookie flavors into lip balms. And those flavors are: Thin Mints, Trefoils, Chocolate Peanut Butter (Tagalongs), Peanut Butter (Do-si-dos), and Coconut Caramel Stripes (Samoas). They’re being sold as a set for $5 in Claire’s and Wal-Mart, and will soon be made into more liquidy lip glosses.
Okay, Lip Smacker. Let’s have a talk.
Your best flavors are simple, not too sweet, not elaborate, and befitting of something that can pleasantly rest on someone’s lips. It’s nice when you’re wearing strawberry lip balm (my go-to, my default, my standby), someone kisses you, and they go, “Ooo, strawberry!” But have you really considered the face the second party will be making when they realize they just kissed someone with peanut butter on their mouth? Maybe this is a trend that I’ve missed due to a generational divide, but is this what people like? Waxy versions of carby flavors on their mouths?
Let me be clear: This is not including the recent swath of savory flavored balms, like nachos, bacon, and corn dogs because no Lip Smacker of mine would stoop to that kind of unsavory low. And look — those things are all great as foodstuffs, they really are, but when I’m done eating them, I am done eating them and I don’t want them smeared on my face. That said, where is the pizza one so I can make fun of it? Oh, there you are. Yum, pizza! Put it on your face and keep it there!
Maybe I’m being closed-minded. Maybe I need to look beyond single-note, nature-inspired, ice-pop/breath spray-appropriate flavors and expand my taste in what I put on my mouth for extended periods of time. Maybe only I wouldn’t want something I associate with stickiness or dry mouth or cavities to actually be on my mouth.
I’ll probably get the Thin Mints one though. Because I’m presently wearing chocolate-strawberry M&M-flavored lip gloss. And I’m seriously weak for Lip Smackers.
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