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“No More Woof” Wants to Read Your Dog’s Mind and Translate Its Thoughts into Language

Sorry, guys. The Internet already beat you to it. It's called doge.

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Over on Indiegogo, you can see one of the most bizarre and oddly enticing gadgets to ever compete for your investment. No More Woof is an EEG headset that aims to translate dog thought patterns into human language. Finally, your dog will be able to tell you, “I need to pee,” and, “You won’t believe what that other dog’s butt smells like.”

This isn’t even the weirdest invention its creators, the Scandanavian research lab NSID, have ever come up with. They’re also responsible for the iRock, which is a rocking chair that charges your Apple devices, and the Fly Lamp, which is a hovering lamp that follows you around. (If the Fly Lamp also shouts “Hey! Listen!” and points out your enemies’ weaknesses, we’re sold.)

Unfortunately, you’re going to have to wait a little while to hear your dog’s nuggets of wisdom, like, “Hey, this smells like the perfect place to poop.” The headset is still in the conceptual stage, and NSID only claims to have identified a few thought patterns so far; they don’t yet seem to have a working prototype.

Judging by the fact that they’re promising the most expensive of the headset models will be able to learn more about your dog’s thought patterns and eventually verbalize some of them in full sentences, they seem pretty confident that their research will pay off. If you want to know what’s on your dog’s mind, you’ll have to help them with the research by donating, but keep in mind that they get your money whether or not they raise enough to complete the device.

Until then, you’ll have to keep using your eyes to figure out whether your dog is tired, hungry, or curious.┬áHere’s their video, in which they explain how it works, but it is sadly devoid of any talking dogs:

(via Engadget, image via ST on YouTube)

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Dan Van Winkle (he) is an editor and manager who has been working in digital media since 2013, first at now-defunct Geekosystem (RIP), and then at The Mary Sue starting in 2014, specializing in gaming, science, and technology. Outside of his professional experience, he has been active in video game modding and development as a hobby for many years. He lives in North Carolina with Lisa Brown (his wife) and Liz Lemon (their dog), both of whom are the best, and you will regret challenging him at Smash Bros.