As any observant Jew knows, it’s very important to make sure anything you eat — or might accidentally eat — is kosher, a fact that has slowly turned kosher from a set of religious laws into a cottage industry. Laws outlining the kosher production of meat led to kosher rules for dairy products, junk food, and even diet aids. Since rabbis have been certifying increasingly odd items as Kosher for years, I guess the only real surprise about a range of Rabbinically approved kosher lubes is that it took so long for them to be developed. Now, thanks to California-based Trigg Products and their line of Wet personal lubricants, Orthodox Jews are finally from the curse of lubrication-free intercourse that has plagued God’s chosen people for far too long.
The Rabbinical Council of California spent two years certifying eight different Wet line products, suggesting that they must have found this project really important. All of the ingredients and equipment used in the labs to make the products had to meet certain standards and undergo specific procedures prior to the certification. What those are is a lot to go into here, so instead we recommend readers just go ahead and imagine small groups of rabbis wandering the vast lube factories of California, asking questions of their guides, pondering the intricacies of Talmudic law, and occasionally falling down, because a lube factory has to be a slippery place to ply one’s trade.
While Orthodox Jews are allowed to use cosmetics that aren’t don’t live up to kosher standards, the rules are intended to apply to pretty much any product that could go beyond external use. You know — anything you might swallow at some point.
While the lube industry is now officially right with God, Jewish leaders are divided on oral sex itself, and many tend to shy away from discussing such delicate topics. But for those of you who do feel the need to get an official rabbinical take on the matter, there is (of course) a book on kosher sex. It should provide an excellent primer on what goes where for those who have been waiting to experiment until a rabbi gave their lube the thumbs up.
And if you count yourself among that number, let us take this chance to say mazel tov.
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