In First Sign of the Plague, A Family of Woodchucks Devours Paul Ryan’s Car
Nature fights back, Paul Ryan.
NPR reports that a family of woodchucks moved into the underbody of his Chevy Suburban, which was parked at his mother’s house is Wisconsin. They ate the wiring, and the car wouldn’t start. “My car was eaten by animals,” said Ryan said at an event hosted by the Economic Club of Washington D.C. “It’s just dead.”
Ok, so this is a silly story and it might be a bit of an exaggeration to say they “ate” the car, but we need our small joys and to imagine this as very petty revenge is….really fun? It’s just like when the report came out that the White House was full of undesirable vermin. Ryan always claims he’s an “avid outdoorsman” who cares about conservation, but the guy’s history is super anti-environment. He’s repeatedly blocked regulations that would lessen pollution, received an outrageous amount of lobbying money from oil and gas industries, and he’s one of those dudes who loves taking pictures with the carcasses of animals he kills. He’s a total children’s movie super-villian, and what makes a better children’s movie hero than a cute woodchuck enacting revenge?
Woodchucks, welcome to the resistance.
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