Uteri of the Internet Unite! Women Leave “Vagina Updates” on Virginia State Senator’s Facebook Page
A Series of Fallopian Tubes
Good afternoon, Mary Sue readers! Meet Virginia State Senator Ryan McDougle! He is one of the state lawmakers who has come out to ardently support the state’s mandatory transvaginal ultrasound bill, almost as if he had no idea what was really entailed in women’s health decisions that are usually made by women. He is pictured above speaking with some of his constituents, and he invites other constituents to visit him on his Facebook page! Some of them have, and they have some questions that concern their vaginas, ovaries, and uteri they have felt compelled to share with him, what with his sudden interest in the reproductive goings-on of strangers! Want to come take a look? There are screenshots!
Prompted by just one of the disturbingly numerous state-sponsored bills that require women to jump through a variety of “shaming hoops” before getting a (federally-legal and medically-safe) abortion, women have started flooding the Facebook page of Sen. McDougle with updates about the daily activities of their lady business. Graphic updates. Well, you know, since he’s volunteered himself to be so involved in making health decisions for women, they had every logical reason to seek him out. For advice! The comments have been, predictably, deleted from the page — but not before screenshots were captured:
That’s not even the half of it. More screenshots were recovered by Daily Kos, but just in case you’re reading this on something that has trouble with graphics, here is the text of some of the comments:
“Hey, since you’re so interested in my health, I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been really horny lately because I’m ovulating. But don’t worry; I won’t engage in dangerous heterosexual sex that could result in a pregnancy. This is because I’m a really fat and hairy Lesbian and I plan on having sex with women for the rest of my life, the really butchy dykey kind. The current object of my affections, and central character in the majority of the sexual fantasies at the moment, is Alison Bechdel (pictured below). Thanks for showing me the light in regards to my own sexual health, in affirming that having sex with men in more trouble than it’s worth. The fact that women are sexier anyway, it just a happy coincidence.”
“Hello Senator. My daughter is still young, but will one day be a woman, and before I know it she’ll be having her ‘curse,’ if ya know what I mean… it’s not easy for kids, especially females, to have to deal with this fact of life. I don’t raise my kids to be Christian, even though some of my best friends are, and they have family in Thailand, so essentially they’re half Buddhist. My question to you is, is religion aside, what should she expect from a government here in the U.S. that wants to probe her vagina? How do I explain to her the whole ‘good touch, bad touch’ thing when politicians think it’s acceptable to explore vaginas with plastic instruments? Also, is this part of a plan to create jobs somehow?”
“I am so excited that you’ve taken such an interest in my health. I just wanted to know your thought on a possible yeast infection, I can’t afford health insurance even with my three jobs, so since you’re so tuned into womens bodies, I thought you might have some natural remedies…let me know!”
“Dear Senator McDougle,
I am writing this with great urgency. As I am typing this, my girlfriend is suffering an allergic reaction to her tampon. If this word makes you uncomfortable I will use the word sanitation pad. You are concerned about women’s health and I would like to learn the best alternative to sanitation pads? There is currently a threat of vaginal bleeding in my car. I do not want [this] to happen not because of the damages to the interior of my car but if I am pulled over by a male police officer for my own safety, the stains will make him feel uncomfortable because he must acknowledge the [existence] of women’s health.”
“Senator McDougle, I am almost 49 and STILL menstruating with no sign of slowing down! Frankly, I’ve had enough of this inconvenience- the cost of pads and pain reliever and all the mess- well YOU know how it is. You’re an expert on this lady stuff. I was going to ask my gynocologist [sic] about this issue, but since you know so much about women’s reproductive health, I figured I’d just stop by your Facebook page and ask you. So, when will I finally go through the change? My mister and I want to donate the money we spend on birth control to the Richmond Reproductive Freedom Project to help women pay for those unfunded government mandated ultrasounds.”
“You know, Senator, I’ve wished all my life that a man would know more about my own vaginal issues than I do, and now you’re here! So here it goes, during my last period, I had to use the Super tampons because I had some chunky blood issues. You know, that pesky uterus and all. Maybe you could tell my uterus that all the blood will ooze out in its own time, and not to rush itself into shooting clots out every month. Also, I find it very inconvenient that I wake up in a pool of my own blood on the first and second days of my period. Maybe you can help a sister out?”
“hey… mister… i think i might be havin’ my first period, but i dunno what to do… help?”
Well, you know, you get the idea. I had actually proposed this to the rest of the staff of The Mary Sue, so I think this is a fantastic idea. If these lawmakers really, really, really want to make this an issue, then they deserve to know the full story about what they are trying to write laws about. I know, lawmakers on every level of the government rarely read the full text of the legislation for which they cast votes. But the good thing about women’s health is that there are tons of women who can talk about their health in uncomplicated terms, as we have just seen. And if the issue is uncomfortable for these lawmakers, or if they feel like they just don’t or can’t fully understand it, then maybe they will back away from trying to force women to do things like undergo invasive procedures.
But probably not.
By the way, for anyone who might see these posts as harassment against Sen. McDougle, allow us to point out the following: There was no name-calling, no personal attacks on the senator, and no threats of violence. And that’s a lot more than what can be said for attacks we’ve seen on people representing the other side of the argument.