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Vagina Toaster Gives New Meaning To Breakfast In Bed

Quit playing with your food.

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Normally when you see a vaguely vaginal pattern on burnt toast, it says more about whatever issues you’re repressing than how your toast was made. But Burnt Impressions, a novelty toaster company (people have too much time on their hands) from Vermont, has forever changed the Rorschach Test that can be breakfast with their Vagina Toaster.

I know what you’re thinking: another impossible beauty standard for women to uphold! But rather than being an insane grooming fad, the Vagina Toaster is a toaster which imprints a design on your bread — a design that vaguely looks like the miracle gateway from whence springs all life. It’s available on Amazon for around $35, a reasonable price to pay to start every morning with a warm vagina.

Burnt Impressions’ toasters seem to be marketed to a wide audience (that’s really not a pun, please), with a variety of designs including Sarah Palin’s face, a Star of David and a rose (which seems kind of redundant considering they also have a vagina toaster.)¬†Though most of their impressionistic toaster offerings are intriguing, none of them come close¬† the appeal of having an endless supply of vagina, especially when smothered in some jam.

Even as someone with a vagina I don’t personally feel qualified to debate the gender politics of the toaster, although I am genuinely curious what Eve Ensler would say. If it makes a difference to anyone who is up in arms, there are Penis Toasters available as well in a wide range of colors. Maybe you can bring them together to make a sandwich?

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(via Huffington Post, photo credit via Amazon)

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