Vagina Toaster Gives New Meaning To Breakfast In Bed
Quit playing with your food.
Normally when you see a vaguely vaginal pattern on burnt toast, it says more about whatever issues you’re repressing than how your toast was made. But Burnt Impressions, a novelty toaster company (people have too much time on their hands) from Vermont, has forever changed the Rorschach Test that can be breakfast with their Vagina Toaster.
I know what you’re thinking: another impossible beauty standard for women to uphold! But rather than being an insane grooming fad, the Vagina Toaster is a toaster which imprints a design on your bread — a design that vaguely looks like the miracle gateway from whence springs all life. It’s available on Amazon for around $35, a reasonable price to pay to start every morning with a warm vagina.
Burnt Impressions’ toasters seem to be marketed to a wide audience (that’s really not a pun, please), with a variety of designs including Sarah Palin’s face, a Star of David and a rose (which seems kind of redundant considering they also have a vagina toaster.) Though most of their impressionistic toaster offerings are intriguing, none of them come close the appeal of having an endless supply of vagina, especially when smothered in some jam.
Even as someone with a vagina I don’t personally feel qualified to debate the gender politics of the toaster, although I am genuinely curious what Eve Ensler would say. If it makes a difference to anyone who is up in arms, there are Penis Toasters available as well in a wide range of colors. Maybe you can bring them together to make a sandwich?