Underneath Princess Peach’s Ballgown Is a Black Void Of Nothingness, Plus Legs
I have no underwear and I must scream.
— しゅが (@syuga_pad) September 15, 2014
Good news for those of us who get annoyed by weird out-of-place sexualization of characters in video games—when Princess Peach is flipped over in Super Smash Bros for the 3DS, you don’t see her butt the same way you used to in previous games like Brawl. The bad news? If you stare long enough, you might see the fabric of reality unwinding on itself instead. Maybe I’ll take a butt instead, thanks.
For comparison, here is what players of Super Smash Bros Brawl were once treated to on the Wii. Warning before you scroll: it’s a butt.
Nintendo took a lot of shortcuts in order to make sure the game could run at 60 fps for the 3DS, however, so it’s possible that the missing … er, “feature” (ugh) might still appear in the Wii U version of the game when it’s released in late November of this year. But until then, at least we can temporarily relish in the fact that the fan-service everyone was expecting has been replaced with surreal and existential horrors. That’s what feminism is all about, right?
And don’t worry, pervs: you can still see up Peach’s skort when she’s wearing her tennis outfit. It’s not a true “panty shot” because that’s not how skorts work, but we’re sure the distinction doesn’t matter much to you.
— 味噌タロー (@misotarou21) September 13, 2014
Her literal unmentionables aren’t the only thing weird about the Smash Bros. version of Princess Peach, though—a glitch in the “for glory” online multiplayer mode caused players to get temporarily banned if they played as Peach and used her turnip pulling ability (which shouldn’t be possible in this particular gameplay mode) close to the beginning of a match.
Nintendo confirmed the bug today and apologized for the banning, saying that they’d mistakenly blamed the players for using the illegal ability and are currently working on a fix. Good luck, Nintendo. You may have unwittingly created a monster. It’s gonna be just like Tron but with Princess Peach as Sark and also an Eldritch Abomination at the same time. Ia! Ia Peach-Niggurath!
- Twitch Users Streaming Full Copies of Smash Bros. for 3DS, Unlocking New Characters
- Nintendo Announces New 3DS, Confirms Leaked Smash Bros. Character in Nintendo Direct
- Six-Year-Old Girl Tries To Identify All The Fighters In The New Smash Bros.
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