There are a lot of bad eggs in the modern superhero basket.
And when I say “bad eggs,” I mean that as a cute little euphemism for sociopathic mass murderers. In the wake of gritty superhero dramas like Invincible and The Boys, we’ve seen supes do everything from massacre their respective Justice Leagues to engaging in Trump-like levels of demagoguery and corruption. What is the superhero world coming to? Where are these seriously messed up crusaders with blood on their capes supposed to go? Therapy? Unlikely. They’d probably try to shrink their shrink with a shrink ray. Or use X-ray vision to literally look into their doctor’s mind as revenge for any psychiatric attempt to do so.
Luckily for mental health professionals everywhere, someone dreamed up a perfect form of therapy for these super screwed-up supes:
K-K-K-K-KOMBAT TO THE DEATH.
That’s right! Some of pop culture’s most maniacal superheroes are coming to Mortal Kombat 1, the latest game in the franchise! It’s perfect! They can work out all of their most violent and depraved impulses on each other instead of the populace at large! But who is joining the ranks of the Kombatants, you ask? Let’s meet the team!
Omni-Man
You may know him as the Superman of the adult animation series Invincible, or as the subject of your worst nightmares! Omni-Man murders the most powerful superheroes in the entire world in order to claim planet Earth for the alien empire of the Viltrumites. And you know what’s scarier? He took them all on at once. And you know what’s even scarier? THEY ALL CONSIDERED HIM A FRIEND AND ALLY. It was a seriously depraved betrayal that could chill the heart of Sub-Zero himself.
Homelander
Homelander, The Boys‘ All-American Superman stand-in, may be WORSE than Omni-Man. While Omni-Man is driven by his ideals and dedication to his civilization (even if that civilization is attempting to violently assimilate all others), Homelander (Antony Starr) seeks power for power’s sake alone. Homelander is a few kernels short of a cob. A few cows short of a dairy farm. A few pigs short of a blanket. HE’S BATSHIT INSANE. He just LOVES murdering people. He once dropped an innocent family out of the sky after they won a lottery to spend the day with him!
Peacemaker
Peacemaker (John Cena) is a man who loves peace so much that he’s willing to KILL for it. His words! And he makes GOOD on them. He will resort to any and all sorts of ethically dubious acts in order to make his ideals a reality. He is essentially the poster child for “the end justifies the means.” He’s not even above killing women and children to achieve his goals! At least not in the comics! Thankfully, innocents will be safe from his “peacemaking” efforts. No one in Mortal Kombat has a squeaky-clean moral slate.
Is that all?
Far from it! Joining these three DLC superheroes are fan-favorite staple characters such as Ermac, Quan-Chi, and Takeda, the apprentice of Scorpion. Fans are going absolutely BONKERS over the announcement. Just look at these dudes at the Comic-Con reveal!
If that’s not enough to get you excited, the string of new FATALITIES will. In the trailer for Mortal Kombat 1, characters can be seen performing kills that are so over the top, they could actually be considered CAMP. Sure there’s plenty of your standard gut-stabbing and bone-breaking, but the trailer shows two of the most ludicrous kills of the series to date. One character summons a sandstorm to rip an opponent’s face off using nothing but friction. Another character warps their foe to the event horizon of a black hole and holds them there while they are brutally sucked in! Hooray for science-themed kills! Even if the science is totally inaccurate! You actually can’t see anything fall into a black hole because the light that would allow you to see the falling object gets sucked in too. An observer would see the object just sort of hover on the edge of the event horizon before it fades out of existence. But that’s not EXCITING, is it? WATCHING A BLACK HOLE PEEL THE SKIN OFF SOMEONE’S BONES IS WAY BETTER.
Don’t believe me? Here’s a trailer. You’re gonna have to verify your age on Youtube to see it though. This trailer would certainly traumatize a kid. Or a sensitive adult. Or honestly just a regular adult as well.
(featured image: Prime Video)
