Maybe the Rumblr Find-a-Fistfight App Will Help Accelerate Natural Selection?

We can dream.
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This is (purportedly) not a joke. There is really (maybe) an app in the works for finding a nearby fistfight. Hopefully, it’s a sneaky ploy to get a bunch of tough guy/gal morons to pair off and cancel each other out like some kind of beautiful, impotent-rage-fueled mathematic equation. Yeah, let’s go with that.

Described as “Tinder for fighting,” Rumblr works like this:


“Bro*, I have no outlet for all my rage in a world where I have literally everything I could possibly want. Want to punch each other in the face until we feel something?”


“Bro*, I see that you are nearby and similarly emotionally stunted. Let’s meet up and let our feelings out in a macho-approved fashion.”

*Not necessarily “bro,” as there’s also RumblrHER (which totally should’ve been RumblHER COME ON), because being the worst isn’t exclusive to dudes—or also “bros” in the case of RumblrGROUP.

Then there’s some fighting, and the winner is no one. Probably. The team behind Rumblr says the app is 100% serious, but even if that’s true and this isn’t some elaborate joke, it’s doubtful that the app will ever see the light of day, as it’s encouraging users to break the law. If you want a ringside seat for what modern civilization has come to, there’s also a mode for finding fights as a spectator.

The Rumblr site claims that demand for the app has been so overwhelming that they’ll release it in beta tonight. Let the Darwin Games begin.

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Dan Van Winkle
Dan Van Winkle (he) is an editor and manager who has been working in digital media since 2013, first at now-defunct Geekosystem (RIP), and then at The Mary Sue starting in 2014, specializing in gaming, science, and technology. Outside of his professional experience, he has been active in video game modding and development as a hobby for many years. He lives in North Carolina with Lisa Brown (his wife) and Liz Lemon (their dog), both of whom are the best, and you will regret challenging him at Smash Bros.