The Romulan Corkscrew: Or, How To Begin Squandering Your Tax Refund

This article is over 14 years old and may contain outdated information

Feeling the doldrums because your tax refund is significantly lower than the price of a 64gb iPad?  Me too!  Don’t worry–it’s just a sign from Steve that he wants the impulsive early adopters to work out all the kinks before you swoop in for the iPad 2.0.  Until then, you can do your part to micro-fund the economy by picking up your very own Romulan Corkscrew.

Recommended Videos

This badass uncorking device costs $19.99 at ThinkGeek, and is modeled after a Romulan Bird of Prey, complete with a twisted disruptor up front that should effectively decimate any cork in sight.  In case your local intergalactic grocer doesn’t carry any legendarily potent, iconically blue Romulan Ale, here’s a recipe for you to try at home:

  • 1 oz. Vodka
  • 1 oz. Rum
  • 1 oz. Blue Curacao

Once you’ve downed a couple of these babies, make sure to head to your local barbershop and get that new haircut you’ve been meaning to try.  You know the one–short, blunt bangs that come to a point up front, precision-shaping around the ears, and some tastefully pointy sideburns.  Or just show your stylist this picture:

Armed with the Romulan Corkscrew, your new haircut, and the courage of a few glasses of Romulan Ale, you can tell everyone you’ve already got an iPad.  You just can’t see it because it’s cloaked.

(via ThinkGeek)

The Mary Sue is supported by our audience. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn a small affiliate commission. Learn more about our Affiliate Policy