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Heroic Lady Politician Proposes Bill That Bans Male Masturbation, Sets “Waiting Time” For Viagra


Texas state representative Jessica Farrar’s bill may be satirical, but it is, unfortunately, founded in reality. While her bill—which allows doctors to not prescribe Viagra for “personal, moralistic or religious belief,” mandates rectal exams for men seeking vasectomies, and forces these patients to read literature called “A Man’s Right to Know”—would never pass, it serves a purpose: all of these ridiculous-seeming restrictions have actually been pressed on women by lawmakers.

If you read Farrar’s proposals and thought to yourself, “How preposterous and overbearing,” then, guess what, you’re pro-women’s reproductive health. Congratulations! Welcome to the party, if you didn’t already have a party hat. We have cake, too.

As Cory Doctorow writes in BoingBoing:

The bill mirrors provisions in a 2011 Texas law that requires doctors to sexually assault women seeking abortions by inserting medically unnecessary probes into their vaginas, and then forces the women to read a Texas government pamphlet called “A Woman’s Right to Know.”

And from The Houston Chronicle:

The satirical House Bill 4260 would encourage men to remain “fully abstinent” and only allow the “occasional masturbatory emissions inside health care and medical facilities,” which are described in the legislation as the best way to ensure men’s health.

In an interview with the Chronicle, Farrar explained, “A lot of people find the bill funny. What’s not funny are the obstacles that Texas women face every day, that were placed there by legislatures making it very difficult for them to access healthcare.”

Trying to picture men being fined for masturbation, made to wait for Viagra, and not allowed to make reproductive choices without reading sanctimonious literature strikes people as hilarious because it would never, ever happen in a million years. 

I mean, can you imagine half the population subject to that kind of treatment? Who would submit to invasive, embarrassing, and unnecessary procedures just to gain access to basic medical care? Totally improbable, right?

(Via BoingBoing, The Houston Chronicle, image via Shutterstock)

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Kaila is a lifelong New Yorker. She's written for io9, Gizmodo, New York Magazine, The Awl, Wired, Cosmopolitan, and once published a Harlequin novel you'll never find.