Stop me if you’ve heard this one, but Mike Pence is refusing to hold Donald Trump accountable. Ah, the more things change, the more things stay the same. This unsurprising news comes in reaction to Trump’s recent claims that he will be arrested on Tuesday, March 21, 2023, as a result of the investigation into his hush money payments to Stormy Daniels.
So, on Saturday, our former vice president, who I’m sure would rather be off in his bunker watching The Handmaid’s Tale and taking copious notes, gave an interview to ABC News where he said, among other things, well, you know what. I won’t paraphrase. Let’s just do a direct quote, shall we? Per CNN:
Former Vice President Mike Pence balked at the idea of a potential indictment of Donald Trump, categorizing any possible prosecutorial actions as “politically charged” and “not what the American people want to see.”
First and foremost, whether or not Trump is held accountable for any actual crimes he may have committed should not hinge on politics. Letting him off the hook for that reason would also be “politically charged.”
Second, last I checked, I have an American passport, and thus, I am an American (and as an added bonus, unlike a good deal of MAGAs, I don’t have any active or pending January 6th indictments. Score!) So, I say: Speak for yourself, you weirdo. Not only do I want to see an indictment of Donald Trump, but I want the whole thing televised. Hell, make it pay-per-view. Let’s solve the debt ceiling crisis while we’re at it. (That’s how it works, right? I’m an English major and Pence is a buffoon, so neither of us really understands that part.)
Since we’re speaking on behalf of what the American people want, I’m pretty sure we want a live cam of Hillary Clinton’s reaction at all times while Donald Trump is doing a perp walk. We also wanted abortion to stay protected at the Federal level, but when have the Republicans ever cared what the American people actually wanted? (This is a trick question. If you are giving them money, then they care very deeply about your special interest. Thanks, Citizens United!)
Pence doubled down on his backward idiot logic with this beautiful pull quote speaking to ABC News’ Jon Karl, via CNN:
“The president’s wrong,” Pence told ABC. “He was wrong that day, and I had actually hoped that he would come around in time, Jon, that he would see that the cadre of legal advisers that he surrounded himself with had led him astray. But he hasn’t done so and it’s … I think it’s one of the reasons why the country just wants a fresh start.”
Wait. I’m sober and this is drunk logic, so I need a moment to wrap my head around this: this rat bastard refused to acknowledge he lost the Presidential election fair and square, incited an insurrection that got people killed, and everyone except the most ignorant among us knows he’s a lying loser … but because he’s never admitted he lied, we need to let it go for reasons, and also, Americans want this because we need to heal? Do you hear yourself? Do you buy this bullsh*t? Saying nothing is free, and yet, you’re out here saying this, Mike Pence, and this is a bizarre thing to say even for you, and we know you call your wife “Mother.”
Do you even know America, Mike Pence? We are a nation that loves to punish people. We are a punitive people. Now, normally I try to turn the other cheek and all that because I think our collective national thing for punishment is weird, and I don’t like it. But for the asshole who approved ripping children from their parents at the border? Who installed three Supreme Court Justices on the bench to secure the overturning of of Roe v. Wade and who knows what else to come? Who somehow made masking up for public health into a f*cking culture war? I’ll make an exception.
So at the risk of repeating myself: Lock him up, baby! Lock him up!
(featured image: Scott Olson/Getty Images)
