Star Wars: Episode VII to Cast Super Attractive People, World in Shock
A variety of tough-looking men and two hot teenage girls, to be specific.
The casting breakdown for Star Wars: Episode VII has been leaked, and it has one clear focus: Let’s make these space dudes hot. In a shocking and unprecedented move by J.J. Abrams, it seems the classic universe will be repopulated with a crew of attractive young people. Also, yes, that is sarcasm.
Grateful as we all are that those responsible for the atrocities that were Episodes I-III have given over the mantle, I doubt I’m alone in worrying about the reboot. Do you know why the original Star Wars movies were good? You likely have a few thoughts on the matter, but let me share some of mine. 1) M. Night Shyamalan hadn’t beaten the whole twist ending-thing to death. 2) Harrison Ford. 3) Two moons mean that nighttime can be twice as pretty. 4) Light sabers. 5) Epic spaceship battles. 6) Also, Harrison Ford, because he deserves being mentioned twice.
Do you know what wasn’t a reason?
Super hot actresses. And I am focusing on the women here, because according to the cast list revealed by Bleeding Cool, the men in the reboot will range from old and grumpy to middle-aged and militaristic to, okay, young and hot. But still. Carrie Fisher’s Princess Leia, drug-addled as she may have been, was one of a much smaller group of earlier kickass women. She was tough, killed bad guys, and sometimes donned practical footwear, without worrying too much about showing off her navel.
Now I’m not saying the casting in the prequel movies was solely to blame for their… misdirection, but compare Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford to Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman.
Yes, you’re all very pretty. And some of you are even talented. In other things. Not this.
There is nothing wrong with actors being seriously good-looking. I can admire Benedict Cumberbatch’s cheekbones or Chris Evans’, you know, entire being with the best of them. I’m just saying I’d rather the casting directors focused on a few other things first. Like, good acting. That’d be nice.
- J.J. Abrams is bound to confuse Star Trek and Star Wars
- Patton Oswalt’s Star Wars filibuster is the best thing you’ll see today
- Disney registers more Star Wars URLs, you’re getting more Gungans
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