My Nonsensical Live-Action Powerpuff Girls Headcanons Because I Guess This Series Is Actually Happening
Sugar, Spice, and the CW
In news that no one in the city of Townsville wanted, the live-action Powerpuff Girls series is actually happening. Technically, it was in development since back in August, but now the CW has officially ordered a pilot for it.
In case you haven’t heard the news or have established a strong mental block when you saw the words CW, live-action, and Powerpuff Girls, lemme remind you of the premise real quick. The story will focus on Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup as, quote, “disillusioned 20-somethings” who resent their lost childhood from crimefighting. The series will focus on whether or not the girls can come back together when their skills are needed once again.
The Internet has some … concerns … and considering what the CW has done to Archie comics with Riverdale (and is planning in the future), I can’t say I blame them.
I swear to god if they make out the professor to be an abusive father in the CW powerpuff girls I’ll loose my shit. He was such a great dad!!! He loved and doted on his daughters!!!!! Why is this making me so heated
— Cailyn Murray (@CailynMurray) February 9, 2021
Powerpuff Girls fans: “They’re so cute and heroic and awesome!”
The CW: “How can we emo this up & take a thermonuclear dump on its core emotional appeal?”
— Kevin the Radical Individualist (@themoralskeptic) February 9, 2021
the cw: imagine if the powerpuff girls were depressed millennials https://t.co/reii0DpZJ2
— laurry🌱 (@laurwrites) February 9, 2021
They loved crime fighting! THEY LOVED IT! They had amazing adventures! They were every little girl’s fantasy of, “What if I had all the powers of Superman and I could save the day but then also play with my dolls and coloring books?”
But no. “What if they hated it, actually?”
— Katie 😈 (@PoeHotDameron) February 9, 2021
I could wax on about how the girls actually did have a childhood to the point of having a bedtime, recess, and everything else a kid grew up with, they just also saved the world—and loved it. I could go on about how Professor Utonium gave them a good, loving home, so the idea of them being unhappy with their lives is … odd.
I could talk about how the main draw to them was that much like Winx Club and Sailor Moon and the magical girl genre as a whole, they embraced being girls AND got to be badass while doing it. Their brightly colored optimism wasn’t ever a hindrance and their unapologetic girl brand protected their city every single episode.
But I feel like we already know that, so I’ve decided to list potential gritty plot threads we could see so we could all cringe together.
- Townsville is basically Gotham, like, the depiction of Gotham from Titans. It’s a shithole is what I’m saying. There’s graffiti that reads Sugar, Spice, and Nothing Nice. The city blames the Professor for the state of things because he’s the one who created the girls.
- The Mayor is absolutely corrupt. Has shady dealings with some of the villains from the series. Drinks all the time. Has really let himself go.
- Miss Bellum is the one trying to make things right again. She goes to the Professor for help, sleeps with him (because it’s the CW), and while they’re talking she brings up reuniting the girls. Maybe they get a little clever and her back is to the camera when she seduces the Professor so we don’t see her face? I dunno, that may be giving them too much credit.
- There have been attempts to replicate the formula, recapture the magic to defend the city. It doesn’t take. Maybe the Professor is on a quest to find more Chemical X but alas, it’s just gone. No matter how hard he tries he doesn’t have enough sugar, and there’s nothing nice left in Townsville to pull from.
- Buttercup is a vigilante. She still fights crime in secret but without Blossom and Bubbles to reign her in she’s really violent about it. She has the most contact with the Professor because she’s still fighting crime, but she’s real messy about it. She doesn’t even go by Buttercup anymore.
- Bubbles is an Instagram sensation and absolutely LOVES being a cute blonde, tee hee, pigtails and blue dresses and all. She doesn’t even live in Townsville anymore. She lives in L.A. She’s living the party girl life but comes home to an empty apartment where she stares longingly at a picture of her and her sisters.
- Blossom, since she was the leader, has been taking it the hardest. She’s in the middle of an identity crisis because technically, they were created in a laboratory. Insert a flashback where she yells at the Professor because she wants to be a “real” girl, dammit, not some crimefighting lab experiment on call 24 hours a day! She thinks about this while she’s in bed with one of the Rowdyruff Boys because it’s the CW. He’s annoyed because even if she’s not one of those goodie-two-shoes Powerpuffs anymore it still consumes her. She definitely walks the street in (insert city she lives in now) and feels the urge to stop a purse snatcher or bank robber, her boyfriend having to remind her that she’s walked away from that life. Also, she cut her hair and does everything to distance herself from that Blossom look.
- The big threat that brings them together is major, like, the Professor dies or something. The girls come back together for the funeral and decide to become a team again, but Vigilante Buttercup ain’t got time for Blossom’s rules and Bubbles is tired of not having a say, stuck in the middle of their arguing. She tweets about her annoying sisters often.
- Miss Bellum is the one who assigns them missions and tries to keep them in order.
- The show is NOT called Powerpuff Girls. It’s called Townsville or Chemical X or something like that.
- Catchphrase: get puffed.
Yes, I do hate myself for writing this, thanks for asking.
(Image: Warner Bros. Television Distribution)
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