Joe Biden Not Running For US President; Breaks All of Our Hearts

Say it ain't so, Diamond Joe!
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Dear Diary, I’m gonna have to let everyone know I’m not running for President…if only so they’ll shut the hell up about it.

We’ve loved his snarky laughter and his use of the word “malarkey” when someone makes a crap point in a debate, we’ve identified with him for numerous reasons (his blue collar upbringing; his grief over losing a child), and we’ve been wondering for months whether or not he was going to throw his hat in the ring for the Presidential Election in 2016.

joe biden yolo

However, it’s precisely because YOLO that he’s not running for President. Because really, as cool as it would be to live in the White House 24/7, being The President is kind of the worst job ever.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Biden spoke from the White House’s Rose Garden this morning to explain his reason for not running. Thankfully, it is not because of his grief over the loss of his son, Beau, to whom he alluded in his statement:

My family has suffered loss and I hope there will come a time, and I’ve said this to many other people…that sooner rather than later, when you think of your loved ones, it brings a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eyes. Well, that’s where the Bidens are today, thank God. Beau is our inspiration.

However, he doesn’t think that he now has the time “to mount a winning campaign for the nomination.” Still, while he didn’t endorse anyone in the race in particular, he plans on ensuring that his Diamond Joe swagger is all over everything this election:

But while I will not be a candidate, I will not be silent. I intend to speak out clearly and forcefully, to influence as much as I can, where we stand as a party, and where we need to go as a nation. And this is what I believe: I believe that President Obama has led this nation from crisis to recovery and we’re now on the cusp of resurgence. I’m proud to have played a part in that. This party, our nation, will be making a tragic mistake if we walk away or attempt to undo the Obama legacy. The American people have worked too hard and we’ve come too far for that. Democrats should not only defend this record and protect this record, they should run on the record.

You mean the Obiden legacy, amirite? But seriously, Biden’s been an awesome public servant who refreshingly doesn’t try real hard to hide his opinions, even if it means laughing right in someone’s face:

joe biden laugh

I look forward to seeing how Biden informs the Democratic race leading up to the Primary as this whole mamma-jamma goes on. And then, once his term as Vice President comes to an end, I definitely look forward to the inevitable speaking engagements, increased cult following, and lots of ladies in lots of “danger.”

joe biden ladies

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Image of Teresa Jusino
Teresa Jusino
Teresa Jusino (she/her) is a native New Yorker and a proud Puerto Rican, Jewish, bisexual woman with ADHD. She's been writing professionally since 2010 and was a former TMS assistant editor from 2015-18. Now, she's back as a contributing writer. When not writing about pop culture, she's writing screenplays and is the creator of your future favorite genre show. Teresa lives in L.A. with her brilliant wife. Her other great loves include: Star Trek, The Last of Us, anything by Brian K. Vaughan, and her Level 5 android Paladin named Lal.