Two cute pig-like animals (javelinas) touch snouts

Javelinas Are Destroying Golf Courses, Like the Adorable Comrades We Knew They Were

I am joining the war on javelinas—on the side of the javelinas.

A javelina is a small, feral, pig-like creature native to the American Southwest. It’s also the hero we need in the face of an impending climate crisis.

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Seven Canyons golf club in Arizona was recently the target of the javelinas’ usual dealings. A herd of the little heroes tore up the turf on a golf course in Sedona, and I mean they tore it up. This shouldn’t come as a huge surprise considering the expansion of human activity and construction of new golf courses have seriously impacted the javelinas’ roaming territory. Living in the desert means using whatever resources are available, and wouldn’t you know it, golf courses are absolutely brimming with clean water and cool, shady tree cover. I’d hang out on a golf course too if it wasn’t usually full of insufferable white guys.

You may recall the viral video from a few years back of a javelina sprinting down the side of the road well within Tucson city limits—another example of how humans have encroached on the pigs’ natural habitat and forced contact with them. This hasn’t stopped the golf community from losing its collective mind about the audacity of wild animals to … act like wild animals. Cry me a river. Then divert the flow of that river away from your golf course, it hoards enough resources already.

It’s hard to find sympathy for the distraught course staff and golfers belonging to the club. Superintendent of Seven Canyons Emily Casey posted the above video on Twitter/X earlier this week with a sassy little caption (“Come along with me on my carnage (I mean course) check this morning”), which will no doubt put those little pigs in their place. The post backfired somewhat, as X users pretty much immediately started siding with the javelinas.

The superintendent commented on her post saying the course is planning on setting traps for future javelinas, but that “[I’d] feel a lot better if we could shoot a couple”.

Unfortunately for Emily, that is super illegal. Trapping and killing javelinas is unlawful, according to the Arizona State Department of Game and Fish. RIP that green, green grass.

Seeing as Seven Canyons has its metaphorical hands tied on this issue, it seems the 30-50 feral hogs have won this round. We obviously have no choice but to stan our little betusked comrades. Keep fighting the good fight against those bourgeoise, uh … pigs?

(featured image: Michele Tantussi/Getty Images)

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Scout (she/her/hers) is a freelance news writer for The Mary Sue. When not scrolling Twitter, she's thinking about scrolling Twitter. She likes short walks on the beach, glitter pens, and burnt coffee. She does not read the comments.