Hammacher Schlemmer Now Selling “Flying Fire Breathing Dragon”
This could be my in with Charlie Weasley.
Get ready to take what is yours with fire, blood, and $60,000: Hammacher Schlemmer, purveyor of the unexpected, is now selling a remote controlled, flying, fire breathing dragon. Time to empty out your hoard and prepare your neighbors for a lot of pillaging.
The terrifying model was designed by Rick Hamel, whose Mythical Beast has won him understandable acclaim at national R/C trade shows. The fearsome creation weighs 40 pounds and boasts an articulated head, 600 scales, glowing eyes and a 9 foot wingspan. I don’t know my Norwegian Ridgebacks from my Hungarian Horntail, but this flying flame thrower is definitely no Toothless.
Insanely, Hammacher Schlemmer’s model does everything you would expect of an actual dragon–although, disclaimer, do not try to ride it. Hamel’s design uses a miniature jet turbine on the chest filled with half a gallon of jet fuel to launch your dragon into the air with an initial propulsion of 500 miles per hour. Once in the air it can cruise comfortably at 70 miles per hour for up to ten minutes, with a ruddered tail that allows you to command every move from the ground.
Your new friend’s most impressive feature? A propane powered flamethrower in its mouth that can be activated with a stun gun while in flight (a safety features prevents it from scorching earth while on the ground, which as far as safety features go sounds fairly minimal).
Here’s a video that will by no means convince you to do the responsible thing and save your gold galleons for higher education:
Yup, there goes the neighborhood. Someday they will sing of my conquests.
- Decisions: there’s also a remote controlled flying TARDIS
- Or you could just make your own fire-breathing dragon, I guess
- Screw this, I’m going back to Bag End
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