Dear Trump, We’d Like to Submit The Mary Sue for Your Consideration for Those Pointless Fake Media Awards
In case you missed it (and for the sake of your own mental health, I hope you did), Trump has decided to follow up his lengthy golf vacation with an impromptu celebration of the media. Well, a Trumpian sort of celebration. Which is to say, terrible and a threat to the basic tenets of our democracy.
Back in November, Trump tweeted, “We should have a contest as to which of the Networks, plus CNN and not including Fox, is the most dishonest, corrupt and/or distorted in its political coverage of your favorite President (me). They are all bad. Winner to receive the FAKE NEWS TROPHY!”
Then, last month, an email went out to Trump supporters with a survey, asking them to weigh in.
An actual email from Team Trump: pic.twitter.com/vP0Bi76wvP
— Sopan Deb (@SopanDeb) December 28, 2017
The poll allowed people to rank specific stories from ABC, CNN, and TIME on the ultra-scientific scale of “Fake” to “Fakest” news.
The choices: pic.twitter.com/J5fS66sWCG
— Sopan Deb (@SopanDeb) December 28, 2017
That may have seemed like a ridiculous waste of time. And, obviously, it is. But it’s not over yet. Trump announced this week that he’s following through on the survey and hosting some sort of sad awards ceremony.
I will be announcing THE MOST DISHONEST & CORRUPT MEDIA AWARDS OF THE YEAR on Monday at 5:00 o’clock. Subjects will cover Dishonesty & Bad Reporting in various categories from the Fake News Media. Stay tuned!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 3, 2018
It’s not clear if this ceremony is taking place on Twitter, in person in the White House, or maybe via live stream with Trump in a tuxedo, reporting from a sad, empty room. As you might imagine, the press themselves had some questions, but all Sarah Huckabee Sanders was willing to tell them during Wednesday’s briefing was that she would “keep [them] posted.” The White House Press Corps doesn’t even know if they’re supposed to attend this possibly real, definitely pointless event. Sanders just told them, “It might be hard for him to present trophies if you guys aren’t there but, I don’t know, we’ll have to wait and see what happens on Monday.”
Presuming this is a real event, with real trophies, allowing Trump to call out the “dishonest & corrupt media” he so clearly wants to abolish, I’m hoping he’s open to suggestions beyond those original three.
I’m not sure what the official channel for these things is, so consider this your official For Your Consideration submission of The Mary Sue as one of Trump’s Bad Fake Evil News candidates.
Sure, we’re a relatively small outlet, but we’ve got some great qualifications:
- We’re mostly women. We don’t even try to hide it or anything.
- We’re really super into your official banned words: “diversity,” “fetus,” “transgender,” “vulnerable,” “entitlement,” “science-based” and “evidence-based.” We’re all about evidence-based science diversity. We feel entitled to it. Especially when writing about vulnerable transgender fetuses.
- We’re big fans of the First Amendment. We know that of all the amendments to the Constitution, that’s the one you’re least thrilled about, but man, we love it. The 15th and 19th are pretty great, too.
- Did I mention we’re women? We write about lady things all the times. Race, disability, and LGBTQIA issues, too. We’re filled to the brim with “identity politics” around here. We even say “happy holidays” sometimes.
- *whispers* Obama’s inauguration was bigger.
Now, we know we’ve got some pretty tough competition. Stephen Colbert has started his own FYC campaign.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) January 4, 2018
Others have joined in, too.
— Full Frontal (@FullFrontalSamB) January 4, 2018
— Trevor Noah (@Trevornoah) January 4, 2018
Still, it would be an honor just to be nominated. Plus, this is shaping up to be one hell of a fake event.
I am hosting the red carpet. Please stop at my mani cam!!!
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 4, 2018
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