You know what goes great with Dragon Ball? More Dragon Ball.
That’s right. We’re getting even more episodes of Dragon Ball.
What are we supposed to do with them all at this point? We’ve got a whole warehouse full of them already. On top of an overflowing pile of Dragon Ball episodes, we have a steaming heap of Dragon Ball movies that we still have to sort through. We’ve gotta hire more workers to process all of these Dragon Balls. We can’t possibly keep up. There’s no way. This is the way the world ends. This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but smothered by Dragon Balls. And the Ball that broke the camel’s back? It’s Dragon Ball Daima.
When does Dragon Ball Daima come out?
According to the good people of IGN, who are just barely managing to keep their heads above all these Dragon Balls, Dragon Ball Daima is set to release sometime in fall 2024. That means we only have a year to prepare. How do they know? They consulted the mystic signs and symbols, read the patterns in the clouds, and of course attended NYC Comic Con where this prophecy was foretold.
What will Dragon Ball Daima be about?
We don’t know for certain. All we can do is make what scientists call an “educated guess” by watching the newly released trailer. In said trailer, we are shown Goku in conversation with the Dragon Shenron, who tells him to make a wish. Goku then pulls a Hayden Christensen and de-ages just like how Anakin did in Ashoka. Now Goku is a baby again! So cute! Not only that, it looks like many of the other Dragon Ball characters have been day-aged as well! Look at Widdle Piccolo! Tiny Chi Chi! Poopypants Krillin! Watching the show will be like working at a daycare center for children with more destructive power than nuclear bombs! FOR GOD’S SAKE PUT THEM DOWN FOR A NAP BEFORE THEY KILL US ALL.
The burning question on my mind, of course, is why Goku asked to become baby Goku again in the first place. I get that most adults would jump at the chance to relive their youth. But when I say “youth” I mean their early 20s. Why in God’s name would you want to relive your ten-year-old years? Is that when Goku thinks he peaked? Really? Being unable to drive, drink, pursue romance, and be taken seriously by anyone? And even worse, why would you wish such a fate on YOUR FRIENDS AS WELL? Just because you want another chance to undo whatever childhood trauma you went through doesn’t mean that your loved ones want the same thing. Classic Goku. Always thinking of himself.
More perversely, Goku’s wish could be inspired by his unhealthy addiction to self-improvement through combat. He busies himself fighting universe-destroying foes in Dragon Ball Super but regrettably discovers that there are some beings… like the multiverse destroying alien baby king Zeno, that outclass him in every possible way. A man can be strong. A man cannot be stronger than God. So perhaps rather than chill out and examine his addiction to betterment through bloodshed he has decided to relive his coming of age through carnage for a SECOND TIME. Just for the sick kicks! Is this the fate of the Dragon Ball Universe? To be dictated by the mad whims of an overgrown shonen who wants to relive childhood glories in an endless cycle for all eternity? Sheron needs to add some “can’t wish for more wishes”-esque caveats to the whole “wish-granting balls” thing because this is getting ridiculous. And more importantly, existentially terrifying.
Who is working on the new series?
None other than the big daddy himself: Akira Toriyama, creator of the Dragon Ball series. Toriyama will be drawing Dragon Ball Daima himself, and just in time to celebrate Dragon Ball‘s 40th anniversary! If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that Toriyama’s decision to regress to childhood Goku after the series hits the big 4 and 0 smacks of a midlife crisis. But I don’t know any better, so just imagine that I didn’t say anything at all.
Is there a trailer?
Yes! Look at their smushy little baby faces!
(Featured image: Toei)
