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A Guy Saved His Pet Tortoise With a Crowdfunded Penis Amputation

What do you think the backer rewards are on something like that? Never mind. I don't want to know.


A crowdfunded penis amputation might sound like the result of some kind of post-apocalyptic torture voting system, but for Cedric the tortoise, it is his ticket to a long, healthy life. You see, Cedric suffers from a giant penis, and his human owner had no choice but to turn to the Internet to save his dear, too-well-endowed friend’s life.

Cedric is a spur-thighed tortoise with a condition that has caused his… equipment to swell up into a permanent erection and drag behind him as he walks. No, it wasn’t caused by too much Viagra; Cedric’s predicament was caused by a prolapse of the colaca, and it’s gone on for far longer than the famous four-hour warning mark.

Thanks to some quick thinking on the part of Cedric’s owner, Mike Jelfs, and the help of the Internet, it won’t go on much longer. Jelfs turned to crowdfunding site GoFundMe and enlisted the Internet to save his friend, because a penis amputation is a pretty pricey procedure, but Cedric’s life depended on it. Luckily, the Internet came through, and £505.00 were raised, though the initial goal was only £200.00.

He’s currently waiting until he’s healthy enough to undergo the operation, and you can still donate in case there are any unexpected and expensive complications. If not, all remaining proceeds will go to charity.

Cedric will live a long and happy life, though for his own good, he’ll never realize his full potential to smite his enemies in the same way as Hector the Well Endowed.


So, you’ve redeemed yourself, crowdfunding. Despite how annoying it is that everything that looks like an interesting idea turns out to be someone’s Kickstarter campaign, Cedric is an inspiration that shows just what crowdfunding is really capable of. Also, take a minute to think about the fact that your story of inspiration is a tortoise getting its penis removed and maybe think about changing your ways, everything else on a crowdfunding site.

(via The Daily Dot, image via Rami)

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Dan Van Winkle (he) is an editor and manager who has been working in digital media since 2013, first at now-defunct Geekosystem (RIP), and then at The Mary Sue starting in 2014, specializing in gaming, science, and technology. Outside of his professional experience, he has been active in video game modding and development as a hobby for many years. He lives in North Carolina with Lisa Brown (his wife) and Liz Lemon (their dog), both of whom are the best, and you will regret challenging him at Smash Bros.