Chicago woman officially ends her 4-year relationship. Then she learns about the concert theory: ‘Wish I would’ve paid more attention’

After ending her nearly four-year relationship, a Chicago woman discovered the “concert theory” and began reconsidering certain experiences with her former partner. She now believes she overlooked something important while they were together.

In a TikTok video with over 314,400 views, creator @livlawlove recalls enthusiastically participating in her former partner’s interests. She says she regularly attended sporting events and bought concert tickets for bands he liked, even when she wasn’t familiar with their music.

She explains that she would have happily attended almost any event he suggested, even a puppet show. For her, the activity itself wasn’t important. She wanted to spend time with him and experience the things he enjoyed.

Psychology has something to say about this

However, her own interests apparently followed a different pattern. While attending law school in Chicago, she frequently entered ticket lotteries for musicals and plays. Her flexible schedule allowed her to attend approximately 15 to 20 performances, but she recalls going to every show alone.

She also remembers watching movies alone and visiting an Eagles bar by herself when the team played in the NFC Championship. At the time, none of these outings concerned her because she genuinely enjoyed doing things independently.

Looking back, she admits, “I should have paid more attention to that because I enjoy doing things alone.” In her video caption, she also describes it as “something I wish I would’ve paid more attention to in past relationships.”

The concert theory, as she discusses it, concerns whether partners show interest in each other’s favorite activities, even when they don’t share the same preferences. Someone might not particularly enjoy a concert or sporting event, but participating can offer an opportunity to spend time together.

“Your person should be interested in your interest and at least want to have these experiences and shared moments together,” she explains. She believes partners should occasionally be willing to experience activities outside their personal preferences.

Research has examined the connection between shared activities and relationship satisfaction. A 2000 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that couples participating in novel and exciting activities together reported improvements in relationship quality compared with those completing more routine tasks.

The researchers used surveys, and laboratory experiments to examine how shared experiences might influence relationships. However, their findings don’t establish that couples must attend each other’s favorite events or that separate hobbies indicate dissatisfaction.

The creator’s account also leaves some details unclear. She doesn’t say whether she invited her former partner to those theater performances or whether he declined. Nor does she identify their different interests as the reason their relationship ended.

Her experience resonated with viewers, including one who cited similar issues as a reason for ending a relationship. “This was a big reason I ended one of my relationships. I remember when we broke up, he messaged me that he was going to XYZ concert and I was filled with rage because where was that energy when we were together?” the viewer wrote.

However, one viewer offered a different perspective, arguing that respecting separate interests can also be a sign of love. “Oh the flip side, it’s also a sign of love when they know a certain concert is 100% not your thing and are totally fine with you not coming. My partner has a couple artists he loves and their concerts end up being a lot of weed smoke and I can’t handle that. He knows that so he goes with his friends and never holds it against me.”

A separate 2021 study published in Frontiers in Psychology, involving 99 couples, found that people who felt understood and supported by their partners generally reported greater relationship satisfaction. The research focused on how partners respond to each other’s needs, rather than whether they enjoy the same hobbies.

The creator hasn’t revealed when her relationship ended or whether she ever raised these concerns with her former partner. His perspective remains unknown.

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