We’re big fans of YouTuber Sailor J and her unique brand of social commentary-cum-makeup tutorials. From her take on the gender politics of contouring to finally explaining once and for all why Hufflepuff is criminally underrated in the Hogwarts house system, we’re always excited when a new video drops. But this is a reminder that for maximum happiness in your life, you need to be following her on Twitter as well as on YouTube. Because it doesn’t matter how seriously you take astrology–you can be a devotee or you can scoff at it–you need this:
Black Panther characters as astrology signs. A thread.
— Sailor J✨ (@SlaylerJ) March 18, 2018
This thread (embedded here with her permission) is perfection.
M’Baku: Aries
Will storm into Challenge Day like a boss, get his ass beat, and then pout in the mountains about it after. Strong. Mighty. Emotional as fuck. What kind of warrior don’t eat meat? Don’t ask him. He’ll skin you and wear you as a scarf. pic.twitter.com/lSjclISqgq— Sailor J✨ (@SlaylerJ) March 18, 2018
I’ve never been more upset to not be a Leo.
Okoye: Leo
Brave. Fierce. Stunning. Loyal to the point of stabbing her own man to uphold her vows to Wakanda. Will snatch her own fucking wig because nary a one of you bitches are good enough to do it for her. pic.twitter.com/vl8UPgJKnL— Sailor J✨ (@SlaylerJ) March 18, 2018
Although, as a Gemini, I’m not even mad at Shuri being dubbed the only good one.
Shuri: The only good Gemini
Smarter than every one of you bitches. Will roast your busted ass loafers then write you a 60 page essay on Quantum Physics. She’s invented shit none of us have even thought of yet. Probably off building some shit that will save or ruin the world. pic.twitter.com/8BIrlU9f3c— Sailor J✨ (@SlaylerJ) March 18, 2018
As a warning, not all of the descriptions are super complimentary.
T’Challa: Capricorn.
The type of nigga to wear open toed sandals in your lab. Very serious. Will either lay down the pipe so good you swear oath to Wakanda forever or bore you so bad you’d rather be stuck in Russia with Bucky. You’ll never know until you try. pic.twitter.com/vaSWDwV3yT— Sailor J✨ (@SlaylerJ) March 18, 2018
Sorry, Pisces.
W’Kabi: Pisces
A flip-flopping indecisive ass bitch. Should’ve been speared and roasted over a fire. Expects you to forfeit your country to spare his traitorous life. TUH. 🙄 pic.twitter.com/GECa2PNFtl— Sailor J✨ (@SlaylerJ) March 18, 2018
Although no one is angrier in Sailor J’s mentions right now than those born under Cancer.
Bucky: Cancer
Who the fuck even invited her? Why is she here? What use does she have at this moment? No one knows, but she inserted herself at the end, as always. Must have the last word, even if she has to lose an arm and travel to a different continent to get it. pic.twitter.com/nCIs8fTFeZ— Sailor J✨ (@SlaylerJ) March 18, 2018
Check out the whole thread here and let us know how you feel about her choice for your sign.
(via Sailor J on Twitter, image: Marvel Studios, Entertainment Weekly)
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