Wait, did y’all know we have an active volcano on campus?
Shit is getting weird on Middle Earth campus, we’ve got strange scrubby guys falling out of the sky, and I’m pretty sure that kid The Hobbit“>Sauron who got expelled last age is pretending to be some guy named Adar. And now you’re telling me that there’s a literal volcano in the East part of campus? Like, y’all, what if I’m walking home drunk after a party at Gondor and I fall in? Like nobody thought to warn me? Wow. Never trust a fucking elf, I guess.
Okay, so I met with guidance counselor Gandalf and was like “can you tell me more about this volcano so I don’t die?” And his response was like … mostly unintelligible because you can barely understand anything he says. But I’m gonna summarize the things he said that weren’t just “harumph oh eh, mmm walking stick? HOBBITS!”
Alright, so do y’all remember that hottie Morgoth? The O.G. dark lord who fought in the War of Wrath? Okay so apparently he created Mount Doom during the First Age. You know how, like, when you’re in middle school and the science fair comes around and you don’t have any original ideas so you just build a paper mache volcano and just hope for a B minus? Well Morgoth did that, but like… for real. Like he made an actual volcano. That’s at least a B plus, right?
So then after Morgoth gets expelled from Middle Earth University and put into the Timeless Void Community College, that weirdo Sauron apparently got this idea to just move in to the area around Mount Doom in order to forge his rings of power. Mount Doom is literally the only place in Middle Earth hot enough to do something like that. Because, you know, it’s a volcano.
Apparently Morgoth made this volcano special, though, because it seems to respond when people do evil shit. Like it likes it or something. After Sauron forged the One Ring started attacking the races of elves and men to prove that his ring was the dopest, the mountain erupted. Coincidence? Lol probs not. After Sauron got defeated by that hottie Isildur, Mount Doom went totally dormant for a while, and then started waking up when Sauron returned. And the wildest thing of all is that when those Hobbit kids Frodo and Sam (are they a couple? I got a vibe) threw the One Ring back into Mount Doom it erupted again and killed like… all the Nazgul. It also caused this huge earthquake and knocked down the Eye of Sauron and swallowed up like a bunch of orcs. But they were gross, though, so it’s chill.
So like… do you wanna go scope it out sometime? I feel like we could throw a pretty dope party there tbh.
(Featured Image: New Line Cinema)
