10 Movie Monsters That Are Weirdly Hot

“Why is he kinda…?” You were thinking it, and so were we. While most movie monsters are meant to elicit horror and disgust, some unconventionally attractive antagonists have the opposite effect. Maybe it’s the allure of their alien physiology? Maybe it’s the aggression and dominance they display? Maybe underneath all the fangs and teeth and dried blood they actually have a really nice personality? There’s a million reasons to find a monster hot, and we won’t judge you for any one of them. And these 10 movie monsters? They’re the hottest of all.

The Xenomorph

The top pick of “hear-me-out” lists across the internet, the xenomorph is one of the most bangable monsters around. What’s this sextraterrestrial’s secret? For starters, his muscly, almost human body. Look at those arms, those hands, I can see every vein. The creature’s obsessed-with-you ferocity also adds to the allure. This critter’s primary function is to hunt down humans; it’s hot to be wanted so bad. But the weirdly sexy cherry on top is the xenomorph’s mouth. The Alien franchise is full of up-close-and-personal shots of the creature’s maw dripping with spit. Like everything else designed by H.R. Giger, it’s terrifyingly erotic. Yes, that spit is a highly concentrated acid that will melt your face off, but were you really expecting to survive a sexual encounter with this guy? Neither were we.

The Cenobites

The Cenobites of Hellraiser are a BDSM dream. Promising to take mortals to unimaginable realms of pleasure and pain, these dimension-hopping demons are something straight out of a Berlin sex dungeon. The skin-tight black bodysuits. The metal-pierced flesh. They’re unholy angels cloaked in fetishwear. And have you seen Doug Bradley’s Pinhead? Even pieced with a Home Depot’s worth of nails, that face card is still lethal. The 2022 reboot is chock full of hot as well, with most of it coming from Jamie Clayton as The Priest. Is she wearing a high-collared choker? Or is that just her flayed skin? Either way, we’re into it.

Davy Jones

Davy Moans more like. The charismatic baddie with the tragic backstory, Davy Jones is Pirates of the Caribbean‘s ultimate “I can fix him” hottie. He’s the captain of the Flying Dutchman, so dating him means a life full of adventure on the high seas. He’s the leader of a gang of undead plunderers, so you know he can provide for you. And underneath all of the beard tentacles, he’s actually a sensitive, artistic soul. Pipe organ concerts for one under the full moon? How romantic. And just so we’re clear, the tentacles themselves are also a plus. If he can play an instrument with them, just imagine what else they’re dextrous enough to do. Also, yes, I think I do want to get choked out by his crab claw hand. Part of the ship, part of the crew.

Pan

Guillermo del Toro is something of an expert at making hot monsters. Hellboy, Abe Sapien, the Angel of Death, but lurking near the top of the list is The Faun from Pan’s Labyrinth. He’s the perfect balance of human and inhuman — just enough man, just enough… goat?. His horns are majestic. His locks are luscious. His long fingers running over that dagger? It’s unlocking a sharp object kink I didn’t know I had. Don’t even get me started on his voice, like hot gravel and woodsmoke. And you just know he smells good, like a primeval forest just after the rain. Beautiful and slightly terrifying, he’s everything a good lover should be.

Amphibian Man

Guillermo del Toro strikes again! After decades of teasing pop culture with hot but untouched monsters, he finally answered our thirsty prayers. The Shape of Water is a film tailor-made for monster lovers everywhere, a once-in-a-generation romance between human and amphibian. There’s no need for headcanon here, no almost-but-not-quite love affair begging for imagination to fill in the blanks — our janitorial worker heroine fully bones this fish. The film even blesses us with a description of the monster’s unique physiology in rather graphic detail. And while watching Elisa gleefully explain how the Amphian Man’s member functions is gratifying enough, many of us would rather experience it ourselves. After all, what’s more romantic than making love on the beach? Making love under the waves themselves.

The Beast

Do you remember how disappointed Belle was when Beast turned into a regular hot dude? So were we. Beauty and the Beast may accidentally have spawned a generation of monstersexuals, the sight of this cursed prince was a coming-of-age moment for many. What’s so sexy about Beast? You mean besides the fangs and the fur and the powerful frame? It’s the fact that he’s a monster who’s confident enough to admit when he’s wrong. Beast spends the beginning of Beauty and the Beast behaving horribly to Belle, but he slowly learns the error of his misanthropic ways. He’s humble, brave, and sensitive enough to let down his guard and make room for love. He’s capable of growing emotionally, and the same cannot be said for the film’s other men *cough* Gaston. Plus, he owns a pretty incredible castle, complete with a library and ballroom. And speaking of ballrooms, have you seen the way Beast cleans up in formal attire? I’ll put it this way: Beast’s bedroom furniture had better keep their eyes shut once the lights go out, or else they’ll be scarred by the things I’m prepared to let him do to me.

No-Face

He’s rich. He’s mysterious. He will put you in his mouth. He’s literally the ultimate bachelor, the stuff romance novel leading men are made of. While No-Face spends the beginning of Spirited Away creeping around the sidelines, he reveals his true hot colors once inside the bathhouse. He tempts Yubaba’s clientele with wealth, proving he’s a provider. He can literally create an infinite amount of gold nuggets in his hands. He’s the ultimate spiritual sugar daddy. While some might be turned off by his sudden transformation into an all-consuming mass of limbs and teeth, it’s what’s on the inside that counts. What’s inside No-Face? Mystery, passion, and more money than God. Also, he’s tall.

The Balrog

A subterranean demon of shadow and flame with a burning whip? Sounds like the ultimate top. The Balrog is one of the hottest things in The Lord of the Rings. Literally. A fiery creature of the inferno with an appetite for causing pain. He’s buff. He’s super tall. He and Gandalf fought for days, perhaps weeks, so you know he’s got stamina. He would absolutely dominate in the bedroom. And best of all, he’s independent. He’s not seduced into joining Sauron’s armies like all the other sheeple orcs; he’s doing his own thing in the Mines of Moria. We love a monster who thinks for himself. While devoting myself to the Balrog has some downsides, never feeling the warmth of the sun again being one of them, the sexual pros outweigh the cons. Am I prepared to spend my days in eternal darkness being tortured by a creature of the abyss? To paraphrase Gandalf: Don’t tempt me, Frodo, with a good time.

Dragon

The Dragon from Shrek is a total baddie. Her lashes. Her lipstick. Her eyeshadow. I need the full makeup tutorial. Lethal face card notwithstanding, Dragon is also hot on the inside, and not just because she’s a living furnace. Dragon isn’t afraid to assert her boundaries, which means charring the flesh off of any knight dumb enough to enter her castle. Dragon knows what she wants, which in this case is a talking donkey (who are we to judge?) Dragon isn’t afraid to put herself out there; she saw the pack animal that she knew was her future husband and didn’t hesitate to put the moves on him. And while trapping another woman in the tallest tower maybe wasn’t the most positive way to spend her time, she proved herself a girl’s girl in the end by eating Lord Farqaud and saving Princess Fiona. And now that she and Donkey have had a litter of dragon/donkey hybrid babies, she officially qualifies as a MILF.

Other Mother

The Other Mother from Coraline is, and I apologize in advance for not knowing how else to put it, the ultimate dommy mommy. Would I like to live my life with all the joy and spontaneity of a sudden song-and-dance number? Would I like to have all of my basic needs taken care of forever? Would I like to spend my life getting bossed around by an eight-foot-tall alt baddie? The answer to all of these questions is a resounding “yes.” And you’re telling me all I need to do to make that a reality is replace my eyes with buttons? Pass me the sewing needle, I’ll do it myself. The Other Mother, aka the Beldam, might be a child-stealing spider demon from another dimension, but I’m putting myself up for adoption just the same.

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