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Posts by Carolyn Cox

  1. Fark Adopts Strict No-Misogyny Comment Policy

    Now where can I go to be sexi--oh hello, Youtube.

    "If the Internet was a dude, we'd all agree that dude has a serious problem with women."

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  2. Today In Shut-The-Front-Door News, Cosmonauts Report Finding Microorganisms In Space

    This should shut that upstart Rosetta up.

    We need more GIFs of Mulder and Scully high-fiving: Russian news agency ITAR-TASS reports that cosmonauts have found microorganisms on the exterior of the International Space Station.

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  3. Sigourney Weaver Will Not Star In Expendabelles, Stallone Debates Casting “Women Actresses Together”

    R.I.P. (ley), ideal fan casting.

    Bad news and good news, friends: Our Lady Of Perpetual Ass-Kickery, Sigourney Weaver, has turned down a role in the female-centric Expendables spinoff The ExpendaBelles. The good news, of course, is that approaching Weaver demonstrates the project's creative team knows BAMFs when they see 'em--and that the movie is still actually happening.

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  4. Frequent Misspelling Of “Suites” Prompts Retailer To Offer Solid-Chocolate Bathroom Set

    For your golden tickets and your oompa loompa dippity doos.

    God bless Bathrooms.com. The online retailer of bidets, toilets and other traditionally inedible fixtures is now descending a delicious slippery slope by selling powder-room appliances made entirely out of chocolate.

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  5. Watch Fantastic Breasts And Where To Find Them, A Beautiful Slam Poem Defending Potterotica

    Cosigned.

    Brenna Twohy performed this hilarious and scathing piece in the 2014 National Poetry Slam, and I think her words speak for themselves. You can find more snap-worthy pieces over on Button Poetry.

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  6. The Second Full Trailer For The Death Of Superman Lives Is Here, And It’s Crazy

    Still nothing as weird as the missing "s" in Batman v Superman. I'm never gonna let it go, Snyder.

    This second trailer for the fan-backed documentary The Death of Superman Lives: What Happened? has some breathtakingly weird details about the Nic Cage-starring, Tim Burton-directed, Kevin Smith-penned movie that never was. Long-haired Cage in a fluorescent bubble suit? Check. Multiple doomsday scenarios? Double check. Kevin Smith's requisite giant spiders? Hoo boy. We were not worthy.

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  7. Just A Heads Up, New Study Says Earth Was Once Covered In Literal Dragons

    Cool. Now where we at with unicorns?

    Are you bored by dinosaurs? Then you're in luck, my jaded friend: according to a new study published recently in ZooKeys, the Earth used to be ruled by Azhdarchidan pterosaurs--massive, toothless winged creatures named from the Persian word for dragon. Heck yeah.

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  8. New Trailer For Lifetime’s Saved By The Bell Movie Has Less Push Up Contests, More Punching And Abraham Lincoln

    This Labor Day, Lifetime gives birth to a bedazzled turd.

    I'll admit I'm not well versed in the ways of Bayside High (talk to me about YTV's Big Wolf on Campus. Now that was my high school jam), but coupled with that bonkers trailer we got earlier this month, it's a safe bet Lifetime's "unauthorized" Saved by the Bell movie is going to be awful. And by awful, I obviously mean great. Not even Bell Biv DeVoe can save this now.

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  9. True Blood Recap: Love Is To Die

    If Ginger did it, there's hope for me yet.

    True Blood: shameless crescendos over vampire humping since 2008.

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  10. New Study Shows “Exceptional” And Increasing Trend Caused Sinking Of Titanic

    This relates to my own paper, How many people can fit on a door: more than one, you lunkheads.

    A new paper published today in Significance says that human hubris may not be as wholly responsible for the Titanic disaster as previously thought--and no, that doesn't mean an alien time traveler is to blame. Probably.

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