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In Other News, Pope Francis Blessed A Parrot That Belongs to an Italian Erotic Film Star

That's got to be a fetish somewhere.

The Pope must go on some kind of autopilot when he's blessing stuff, right? After all, there are so many people trying to get his blessing that it's gotta be draining. So when Francis saw a green parrot at his general audience on Wednesday, of course he was gonna bless it, too. And in doing so, he set up the best headline we've heard all week.

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Man Sentenced For Fatally Stabbing Parrot With Fork, Whiskey Unsurprisingly Involved

Richard J. Atkinson, a 63-year-old man from Everett, Washington, has been sentenced to six months in jail for stabbing his (now ex-) girlfriend's parrot to death with a serving fork  while in the throes of what his lawyer described as a blacked-out rage fueled by mixing whiskey and anti-anxiety medication. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with Everett -- the Florida of Washington state -- no word in that sentence should come as any great shock.

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