The Mary Sue

Doctors Fined for Implanting Fecal Bacteria into Patients’ Brains

This sounds like the worst episode of House ever.

by Glen Tickle Aug 22nd

A hospital was fined after a pair of neurosurgeons implanted fecal bacteria into the brains of patients during operations without proper authorization. A few things jump out at us here. 1) They did WHAT!?! 2) There's proper authorization for putting poop in people's brains!?! 3) Ewwwwwww.

Happy Global Handwashing Day! Everything You Own Is Covered In Fecal Bacteria

by Ian Chant Oct 15th

It's Global Handwashing Day, everyone! You'd like to think that maybe we don't need an entire international holiday devoted to reminding us to wash up after we visit the restroom, right? We'd like to think that, too. Except here's the thing -- the numbers don't bear that out. In fact, a study released today by Queen Mary College and the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine found that 1 in 4 Londoners have fecal bacteria -- like e.coli -- on their hands. Hands that they are just walking around touching things with. The really bad news, though? That seems tame compared to some of the other findings in the study.

1 in 6 U.K. Phones Contaminated with Fecal Bacteria

by Eric Limer Oct 14th

The best thing, and maybe the worst thing, about cellphones is that you can bring them anywhere. Gone are the days of being attached to the wall, the days of phones that can only be used to talk to people, and the days of not having Internet access in the bathroom. Well, that last one may have its downsides. According to a recent study by the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine and Queen Mary, University of London, 92% of the phones studied had bacteria all over them and 16% had E. Coli, everyone's favorite bacteria of fecal origin. The study didn't just involve going around testing phones for bacteria, although that was part of it. In addition to testing the phones, the researchers gave the phones owners' an opportunity to self-report their hygiene habits. Spoiler alert: Some of them were big, fat liars.

Today in “Uhhh…”: 7 Out of 10 Single Men’s Coffee Tables Have Fecal Bacteria on Them

by Robert Quigley Feb 16th

Here's a statistic that will make foul bachelor frogs rejoice and will probably not give many women confidence in the hygienic abilities of their boyfriends: According to a recent microbiological study of single men's apartments, seven out of ten coffee tables surveyed were host to coliform bacteria, "a variety of bacteria abundant in the feces of warm-blooded animals." So, uh, how did it get there?

“I would suspect the guys probably put their feet up on the coffee table. About 90 percent of shoes have fecal bacteria on the bottom after you wear them for three months,” said Gerba, professor of microbiology at the University of Arizona. “My wife never puts her feet on the table. I do, and I keep getting told to take them off.”

But!

To be fair, coliforms were discovered on the same surfaces in some of the bachelorettes’ homes. The bugs just weren’t quite as common — or plentiful — at the ladies’ digs. Except for one spot: 33 percent of the women’s front doorknobs harbored colonies of coliforms.

To be fair, the study was commissioned by Clorox, so a little skepticism may be warranted. Sadly, though, this seems all too plausible. We wonder if these guys have anything to do with it. (MSNBC via LiveScience)