Staten Island Goes Twin Peaks As Men In Black Track Down Runaway Zebra and Pony
The Staten Island Advance is reporting that a pony and a zebra are at large on the island, just strolling around the borough like they own the place, and the paper has the grainy cell phone video to prove it. The horses have been at large since at least this morning, when a resident witnessed them running through a parking lot. Keep reading for the most adorable footage of a Staten Island parking lot you’re likely to see ever.
Still, the pony and zebra being loose — no one seems to know from where the animals escaped from as of yet — isn’t the weirdest part of the story. The weirdest part, at least to us, is that after taking this video, witness Zachary Osher reports that the horses had a pair of pursuers hot on their tails:
“About 30 seconds later, I saw two men in dark black suits carrying lassoes running across the street.”
Why would men in dark suits be chasing these horses? Why did Osher fail to get video of them? Who’s trying to bury this story, and how far into the halls of power does it go? We don’t know, but we have every hope that the horses will evade their menacing would-be captors and find some peace among the freeway medians and strip malls of Staten Island.
Anyway, folks, you have our apologies if the site is a little light on content for the rest of the day, but, well, Staten Island is just a short ferry ride away, and we’ve got the opportunity to ride a zebra if we play our cards right this afternoon. You all understand, right? Right. Cool. Good talk.