SAN ANSELMO, CALIFORNIA - DECEMBER 16: In this photo illustration, The Reddit logo is displayed on the screen of an iPhone on December 16, 2021 in San Anselmo, California. Reddit has confidentially filed paperwork for an initial public offering (IPO) with the Securities and Exchange Commission. (Photo Illustration by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)
(Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

‘Seeing her visibly shaken was just awful’: Reddit applauds user for shutting down inappropriate comments from a family member

A viral Reddit r/AmItheAsshole post details how one man stood up for his girlfriend when his uncle made inappropriate comments and got too handsy at a family event. Instead of brushing it off, he called him out publicly, pitting him against his other family members.

Recommended Videos

Red flags

The original poster (OP) explained that his uncle started with backhanded compliments meant for his girlfriend, Kate, saying things like “Wow, you’re way too pretty for him.” That alone was cringeworthy, but then it escalated into outright predatory comments, such as “I would have snatched you up back in the day.” 

Beyond the verbal remarks, the uncle was also being physically inappropriate, placing his hand on Kate’s lower back, touching her arm excessively, and leaning in too closely when speaking to her. Even though Kate tried to brush it off, she later confided in OP that she was uncomfortable.

For OP, “seeing [his girlfriend] visibly shaken” was the last straw. He confronted his uncle in front of everyone, loudly calling him out as a creep and telling him to back off. The uncle immediately got defensive, insisting he was “just joking.” Unfortunately, OP’s mother sided with the uncle, saying OP was out of line for embarrassing him like that. Other family members chimed in; some supported OP while others claimed he overreacted.

Comment
byu/Nightwing_112 from discussion
inAmItheAsshole

Reddit understands all-too-familiar backlash

One of the frustrating things about situations like this is how often the wrong person gets scolded. As one top Reddit comment pointed out, “NTA (…) Your uncle was the one who was being inappropriate, and you, quite appropriately, put a stop to his behavior to protect your girlfriend. What your uncle (and everyone else) failed to realize is that there was a power imbalance here.”

Comment
byu/Nightwing_112 from discussion
inAmItheAsshole

Why is it that speaking up against inappropriate behavior is often seen as worse than the behavior itself? This isn’t just a family dispute, it’s a reflection of a bigger societal issue. OP’s male cousins dismissed the situation entirely, suggesting that Kate was the only one bothered because their partners didn’t complain. But the fact that others might tolerate inappropriate behavior doesn’t make it acceptable. Kate’s discomfort was real, and OP stepping in was the right thing to do.

Silence is permission for creeps

It’s refreshing and frankly rare to see a man publicly defend his partner against a family member like this. Too often, people hesitate to call out bad behavior, especially when the perpetrator is someone they’re meant to respect. But silence is essentially permission. As long as people look the other way, creeps like this will keep pushing boundaries.

This also likely wasn’t the first time OP’s uncle has behaved this way. Predatory behavior doesn’t develop overnight. It’s a pattern that thrives in environments where it goes unchecked. That’s why calling it out, especially in front of others, is so important. It not only stops the behavior in the moment, but it also sends a message that this kind of conduct won’t be tolerated.

The verdict

For anyone still wondering if OP was in the wrong, let’s be clear, NO. He absolutely was not the asshole. In fact, he did what more people should do. Women are conditioned to be polite and avoid conflict, which often leaves them stuck in uncomfortable or even unsafe situations. It’s up to the people around them to recognize when something is wrong and step in.

So to OP, if you’re reading this: Well done. You saw your girlfriend’s discomfort, you stood up for her, and you didn’t let your family’s pressure silence you. The world needs more men like you.


The Mary Sue is supported by our audience. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn a small affiliate commission. Learn more about our Affiliate Policy
Author
Image of Sara Large
Sara Large
Contributing Writer
Sara Large (she/they) is a contributing writer at The Mary Sue, specializing in horror, thriller, and true crime. A proud advocate for neurodiversity and inclusivity with a passion for geek culture, Sara has been active in the fandom world since 2016, racking up over 1 million views on her personal platforms—thanks in part to some ADHD-powered hyperfocus! Her love for online communities and pop culture led to an exciting role at Skybound Entertainment, where she worked on iconic franchises like The Walking Dead and Invincible. Whether it’s comics, TV shows, or anything in between, Sara is all in! You can follow her on most platforms @mamadeadhead.