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Russia Has Taken Control of Ukraine’s Elite Dolphin Soldiers, Also Ukraine Used to Have Elite Dolphin Soldiers

Unrelated: Who wants to play Battle Beasts later?


The situation in Russia, Ukraine, and Crimea is complicated, and honestly not the kind of thing that usually falls into our purview, but we just learned that Ukraine had a team of dolphin soldiers that Crimea took with them. The Russian navy now has a team of dolphin soldiers.

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Ukraine had planned on disbanding the dolphin unit after decades of service, but when Crimea sided with Russia they took the dolphins with them. The Russian navy now plans to redirect the unit for Russian interests.

What exactly do dolphin soldiers do — besides make meĀ neverĀ want to go swimming again ever? They’re trained to patrol the water for items of military interest and either attack them or mark them bouys. They’re also trained to attack enemy scuba divers who may be trying to slip past undetected.

Don’t worry, though. The U.S. Navy has dolphins of their own under the Marine Mammal Program, and the navy is developing a laser weapon so… laser dolphins?

(via Mediaite, image via Jeremy Roof)

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Glen Tickle
Glen is a comedian, writer, husband, and father. He won his third-grade science fair and is a former preschool science teacher, which is a real job.

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