Sony Releases Pointless Blurry Preview of PS4, So Let’s Pretend To Be Pumped About It!
Tomorrow is Microsoft’s big Xbox event, so to try and steal their thunder Sony released a sneak peek of the PS4 hardware. It’s a blurry wide shot of the box cut, with quick flashes of close ups. If they showed the box itself we’d be excited. Instead we’re just disappointed — again. Sony, if you want to steal someone’s thunder by showing your junk — you need to show your junk. Let’s break down this failure frame by frame.
First, take a look at the blurry let-down that is this video:
Feeling super-pumped about the PS4 now? Neither am I. Let’s take a closer look at what we actually see in this video, and to make it interesting I’m going to pretend to be super-pumped about everything. It’s fun to pretend!
Wow! Look how box-like that blur is! Is it a cube? A rectangular prism? The obelisk from 2001? The possibilities are endless!
OMG, you guys! The PlayStation 4 is going to have the PlayStation logo! What!? #GameChanger!
What’s this thing? Who knows! Let’s be pumped about it anyway!
Rounded lines in a vaguely circular pattern! Circles were totally Microsoft’s thing! Take that, Xbox!
Here’s a vent maybe! I don’t know. It looks venty. Air flow!
This is either a weird angle on the controller, or some kind of robot crotch.
This looks like the top of a film slate! Will the PS4 have built-in film slate technology? Probably not! That’d be dumb!
This isn’t your grandfather’s PlayStation. Check out those jaunty angels!
Who could even begin to guess what these evenly spaced rectangles are all about. I bet they make the graphics look AMAZING.
We see this upside-down triangle a few times in the video — AT DIFFERENT ORIENTATIONS!Is it a 4? A tent? Some third triangular thing? We don’t know, but Sony sure likes showing it off!
What up, polka dots?
The PlayStation 4 is even branded with Wall-E’s face!
That could be a camera! Hooray!
Whaaaaaaaat?! More vents probably maybe or something else entirely!
Are those controller buckets or a high-end faucet? Who knows!
More dots, and the even more slightly bigger dots! SO MANY DOTS!
WHAT! Did you guys get J.J. freaking Abrams to produce this thing? Check out that killer lens flare!
Given all these sweet details I’ve taken the liberty of mocking up what the PS4 probably looks like:
Ugh. Alright. That’s all the fake enthusiasm I can stand. This is clearly just an attention grab by Sony before Microsoft actually shows us their system — which is what you’re supposed to do at an unveiling event, Sony. Stop being coy with the way the system looks. It’s the least important detail, and holding out on it is just making us think you don’t even really have a system to show.
- Sony’s willing to show off their control, just not their system
- Here are 13 things we’d like the PS4 to look like
- The RetroN 5 is gross looking, but we still think it’s awesome
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