Portal 2 Delayed Until 2011 (But Don’t Worry, That’s Not Valve’s “Surprise”)

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The gaming wunderkinder at Valve Software are known for doing things on their own time, media and consumer expectations be damned; today, they crushed our hopes and dreams a bit but also reaffirmed our  faith in their commitment to craftsmanship by delaying the release of Portal‘s much-anticipated sequel until 2011.

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You may recall that a week ago, Valve canceled a Portal 2 event at E3 to replace it with an unnamed “surprise,” and it would be pretty crummy if the delay was the surprise, but don’t worry: It isn’t.

Valve’s full press release announcing the delay, in characteristically good humor:

June 9, 2010 — Aperture Science, doing business as Aperture Laboratories LLC, in partnership with Valve today announced the successful completion of an ethics-review-panel-supervised release date restructuring process. Portal 2, the sequel to the ground-breaking title that earned over 30 Game of the Year awards despite missing its original ship date, is now targeted for a 2011 release.

Representatives from both companies acknowledged that public safety concerns factored into the decision. They went on to say that even though Portal 2 will arrive slightly later than planned, all life on earth won’t instantaneously stop as every molecule in your body explodes at the speed of light, which is what would happen should a rip ever appear in the fabric of Valve Time.

“Also, the game will be even better,” they added, missing an historic opportunity to create the first product delay press release to mention that a product is being delayed to make it worse.

To ask questions about how close we all came to dying, or to ask futile questions about the previously announced E3 ***PORTAL-2-THEMED-FOR-GOD’S SAKE*** surprise or, less futilely, to schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve’s delegate to the EU’s Valve Time Studies Group, Doug Lombardi.

(h/t Shack News)

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